Dec 9, 2010

At our house

You'll now find cowboy boots, Copenhagen, and a truck parked outside.
For those of you that know what this mean, you'll understand why I've been MIA. I'm working so very hard to make things normal and get back into the swing of things. Whatever the hell normal may be.

He left three years ago, about this time of year, and the circumstances for our parting...fucking sucked. Things turned wrong somehow, and that meant that being apart was better than being together for him. And that thought kills me. Everything about it just sucked, and I wonder quite often if there will ever be a time that I can think back on it all and not feel ill. Not about what happened, or the choices that I had to make, but that those choices caused him to leave. 

And there's him, himself. All 30 years of stubborn and set in his ways. 30 years of morals that shoves shades of gray into black and white boxes. Words that make me think there is no hope, that I am utterly insane, and looks that make me know that in the end, I'm fucking right.  That we're fucking right, and that he is just going to have to learn to accept it. And one day he will, right? Right? He has to, because that is what has kept me going these past three years. My husband, that thought, and my own very special brand of stubborn that knows that this will work.

I might not fully understand what it is about him that is so vital to me, and I do not think I need to. All I know is that together the three of us are invincible. And I feel content, and safe in ways I can't fully express in words.

Oct 5, 2010


Look! Look at this! 

<"( );::::::;~

It's the perfect little add on for your signature. If you love the wiener, that is.  If you don't yet own a dachshund, and are unimpressed at the fact that a dachshund can be constructed from punctuation, I'm not entirely sure why I know you. So there.

Sep 28, 2010

What I Have Learned

Some things that I have learned I have been taught.  Like how to ride a bike, and how to make my bed.  When I started learning how to do these things, I was not very confident.  In the case of riding my bike, well, I fell down a lot.  Turning was a big problem for me. I would turn the handlebars, but I was always afraid to turn them too much in case the bike toppled over and I would fall.  My huge turning radius would cause a scene anywhere other than an empty parking lot, but I did not care. I did not like falling, and this fear helped me to ascertain the best way for me to remain on my bike.  I learned that a little fear is a great motivator, and not to care what people may think so long as you keep your head upright.
            When it came to making my bed, I did not really understand the point.  I nagged at my mother a lot; after all, I would be sleeping in the bed again very soon.  I would sometimes cheat and not smooth out the sheets underneath.  Sometimes I would leave them intentionally crooked just to be spiteful.  I would have to work harder to hide the imperfections’ with the comforter and the pillows. This was time consuming, and pretty soon the novelty of sticking it to my mother wore off.  I learned that doing things the right way the first time saved more time.  In addition I learned to appreciate a freshly made bed.
            Some things I had to learn on my own through trial and error.  Asking a woman when she is due, even though she looks extraordinarily pregnant, is never a good idea. Never ever. I learned that sometimes your first impressions of a person, even though you are absolutely sure, can be misleading.  My assumptions lead to hurt feelings, embarrassment on both sides, and a very awkward silence.  I apologized, and it did not fix it the situation.  I learned that sometimes sorry is not good enough, and that some situations just need time.
            When I was younger I had made a friend in the condo complex that I grew up in.  He lived below me, and every day after elementary school we would rush home, throw down our school baggage, and be off.  I really liked him, and he really like me.  He made me laugh, and he was mindful to play games that I liked best even if they weren’t his favorite.  We were going to be friends forever. We would ride our rollerblades around the neighborhood and look at houses that we would one day move into. He was one year behind me, and eventually I moved onto high school leaving him in eighth grade. 
            We were still friends, but I was busy doing high school things and making new high school friends.  I am not sure what all he was doing that year, since we had started to drift apart.  I would think about him now and again, and get a little sad, but I never did anything to fix it. There were a lot of different things I could have done to fix it. Then, one day, he died. Death is stupid. You cannot change the end result; there is no coming back from being dead.  I learned that it is better to say what you mean to those you care about when they are here then to go on living knowing that you squandered away the opportunity.            
          And the last life lesson that I have learned is quite simple. When engaging in extracurricular activities with your significant other take the time to make sure the window in the bedroom is closed. I learned that though the applause from the direct tv guys outside is one hell of a confidence booster, it can be a tad embarrassing.

Sep 9, 2010

Thou shall not be an Asshole.

Seriously people. It's time to talk. America, you should be ashamed of yourself.  Your tolerance for hate has got to stop.  Last time I checked it was 2010 not the 1800's. News Flash! People are different. That doesn't make them monsters.

You're going to have to learn to deal one way or another.

What is the point in hating another group of people? No really, what your end game? Do you want to put them in their place?  Make them into slaves? Rid the world of their beliefs?  Kill them all off? Change them to be Deposit them on a remote island and never think of them again?

I just don't get the point, and I'm not even trying to be funny. It seems like a whole lot of wasted effort put into something for no good reason. What do you want from your hate? What do you expect to gain?  Could someone please take the time and explain it to me because I'm not getting it...

I can hear you now... but but it's my RIGHT to hate. Free speech! Go America!

You CAN go out and burn Qur'ans. You're absolutely right.
No one is going to stop you.
I COULD go out and burn Bibles.


I wouldn't. Even though I don't agree with most Christian teachings.
You shouldn't either. Even though you do not believe in the teachings of Islam, or Christianity, or whatever.
It is just an asshole thing to do. So why do it?

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Having freedom of speech does give you free reign to run around spewing whatever vile pops into your head.

There are all kind of "thou shall not's" running around the world religions these days. Thou shall not kill, or screw around on your significant other, or steal. How about thou shall not be an asshole? Why is it so hard for people to not be assholes to one another? I'm not talking about having our society be closed lipped and PC, I'm just talking about putting a nanosecond of thought into how your actions have an impact on someone other than yourself. This goes for religion, sexuality, and race.

It's not that hard. In fact, I bet it's a way easier mentality to maintain than hate. I mean, you have to put a lot of effort into hate with no finale... at least by not being an asshole there is a future.

Mediterranean Roasted Vegetable & Chicken Chili

This is cooking in my crock pot right now, and it smells fantastic. I added an extra can of chickpeas, didn't drain the tomatoes, quadrupled the garlic, and used all chicken broth instead of adding water. Just had to share.

2 lbs bone-in chicken breast
2 cans (15.5 ounces each) Great Northern beans, drained and rinsed
1 can (14.5 ounces) diced tomatoes, drained
3 tablespoons greek seasoning
2 teaspoons paprika
1 cup low-sodium chicken broth
2 zucchinis, cut into 1/2 inch pieces
1 red onion, thinly sliced
1 fennel bulb, trimmed, cored, sliced
3 cloves of garlic, minced
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano
1 teaspoon lemon zest
1/4 teaspoon of salt
crumbled feta cheese (optional)

1 - combine chicken, beans, tomatoes, 2 tablespoons of the greek seasoning and 1 teaspoon of the paprika in slow cooker. Add Broth and 1 cup water. Cover and cook on HIGH for 4 hours, and LOW for 6 hours.

2. In large roasting pan, toss together 2 teaspoons of the Greek seasoning, 1 teaspoon paprika, zucchinis, onion, fennel, garlic and olive oil. Roast at 425 degrees for 35 mins stirring twice. Stir in lemon juice, oregano and zest.

3. Remove chicken and shred into bite size pieces discarding bones. Stir chicken back into the slow cooker, adding in vegetables and remaining 1 teaspoon greek seasoning and salt. Cook an additional 15 mins and sprinkle with feta cheese.

Aug 31, 2010

Well done old boy, well done.

Really people.  The hate just needs to stop.

"Ground Zero mosque'? The reality is less provocative...

by Charlie Brooker

Things seem awfully heated in America right now; so heated you could probably toast a marshmallow by jabbing it on a stick and holding it toward the Atlantic. Millions are hopping mad over the news that a bunch of triumphalist Muslim extremists are about to build a "victory mosque" slap bang in the middle of Ground Zero.
The planned "ultra-mosque" will be a staggering 5,600ft tall – more than five times higher than the tallest building on Earth – and will be capped with an immense dome of highly-polished solid gold, carefully positioned to bounce sunlight directly toward the pavement, where it will blind pedestrians and fry small dogs. The main structure will be delimited by 600 minarets, each shaped like an upraised middle finger, and housing a powerful amplifier: when synchronised, their combined sonic might will be capable of relaying the muezzin's call to prayer at such deafening volume, it will be clearly audible in the Afghan mountains, where thousands of terrorists are poised to celebrate by running around with scarves over their faces, firing AK-47s into the sky and yelling whatever the foreign word for "victory" is.
I'm exaggerating. But I'm only exaggerating a tad more than some of the professional exaggerators who initially raised objections to the "Ground Zero mosque". They keep calling it the "Ground Zero mosque", incidentally, because it's a catchy title that paints a powerful image – specifically, the image of a mosque at Ground Zero.
When I heard about it – in passing, in a soundbite – I figured it was a US example of the sort of inanely confrontational fantasy scheme Anjem Choudary might issue a press release about if he fancied winding up the tabloids for the 900th time this year. I was wrong. The "Ground Zero mosque" is a genuine proposal, but it's slightly less provocative than its critics' nickname makes it sound. For one thing, it's not at Ground Zero. Also, it isn't a mosque.
Wait, it gets duller. It's not being built by extremists either. Cordoba House, as it's known, is a proposed Islamic cultural centre, which, in addition to a prayer room, will include a basketball court, restaurant, and swimming pool. Its aim is to improve inter-faith relations. It'll probably also have comfy chairs and people who smile at you when you walk in, the monsters.
To get to the Cordoba Centre from Ground Zero, you'd have to walk in the opposite direction for two blocks, before turning a corner and walking a bit more. The journey should take roughly two minutes, or possibly slightly longer if you're heading an angry mob who can't hear your directions over the sound of their own enraged bellowing.
Perhaps spatial reality functions differently on the other side of the Atlantic, but here in London, something that is "two minutes' walk and round a corner" from something else isn't actually "in" the same place at all. I once had a poo in a pub about two minutes' walk from Buckingham Palace. I was not subsequently arrested and charged with crapping directly onto the Queen's pillow. That's how "distance" works in Britain. It's also how distance works in America, of course, but some people are currently pretending it doesn't, for daft political ends.
New York being a densely populated city, there are lots of other buildings and businesses within two blocks of Ground Zero, including a McDonald's and a Burger King, neither of which has yet been accused of serving milkshakes and fries on hallowed ground. Regardless, for the opponents of Cordoba House, two blocks is too close, period. Frustratingly, they haven't produced a map pinpointing precisely how close is OK.
That's literally all I'd ask them in an interview. I'd stand there pointing at a map of the city. Would it be offensive here? What about here? Or how about way over there? And when they finally picked a suitable spot, I'd ask them to draw it on the map, sketching out roughly how big it should be, and how many windows it's allowed to have. Then I'd hand them a colour swatch and ask them to decide on a colour for the lobby carpet. And the conversation would continue in this vein until everyone in the room was in tears. Myself included.
That hasn't happened. Instead, 70% of Americans are opposed to the "Ground Zero mosque", doubtless in many cases because they've been led to believe it literally is a mosque at Ground Zero. And if not . . . well, it must be something significant. Otherwise why would all these pundits be so angry about it? And why would anyone in the media listen to them with a straight face?
According to a recent poll, one in five Americans believes Barack Obama is a Muslim, even though he isn't. A quarter of those who believe he's a Muslim also claimed he talks about his faith too much. Americans aren't dumb. Clearly these particular Americans have either gone insane or been seriously misled. Where are they getting their information?
Sixty per cent said they learned it from the media. Which means it's time for the media to give up.
Seriously, broadcasters, journalists: just give up now. Because either you're making things worse, or no one's paying attention anyway. May as well knock back a few Jagermeisters, unplug the autocue, and just sit there dumbly repeating whichever reality-warping meme the far right wants to go viral this week. What's that? Obama is Gargamel and he's killing all the Smurfs? Sod it. Whatever. Roll titles.

Aug 19, 2010


Don't walk, and make this recipe for BBQ chicken. It was the most fantastic BBQ I have ever had the joys of tasting. I marinated a whole chicken then smoked it on the grill till it fell of the bone. This recipe is actually so good, now that I told you about it I'm fairly sure I have to kill you.

Aug 11, 2010

What did you say?

So, if you know me you know that I'm nearly deaf in my left ear. That would be the primary reason that I always try to walk on your right side, and I might ask you to repeat things a few times. I had a slew of ear infections in my teens that did major damage on the inner workings of my ear. I'm supposed to have some bones in there, but they're long gone. I even went through a surgery to put prosthetics back in, but my body didn't care for that plan... and rejected them... and other crap is wrong in there as well that I don't want to bore you with. Anyways, all this has resulted in hearing loss around 75 - 80%.

Good news, my hearing nerves aren't damaged like we previously thought. I have the potential to hear, sound just isn't making it past all the scar tissue in my ear from past surgeries, and since the bones are missing the sounds isn't being transferred to the nerves.  I went in yesterday to discuss some options with my ENT, and long story short...I have four options, three of which could allow me to reach normal hearing level in my left ear.

1. Leave it alone, and continue to deal. (I like this option! I've been living an okay life up until this point. I kind of look at my hearing loss like someone might look at a scar on their face. Their quality of life is not really that terrible, but it bothers them even though others might not even notice it till you point it out.)

2. Get a hearing aid. The audiologist isn't thinking this will help too terribly much, since I have so much scar tissue in my ear it's blocking sound going through. Piping in louder sound will just mean louder muffly sounds being heard.

3. Cochlear a hole into the side of my head and screw in a state of the art hearing aid that accesses the inner nerves instead of just amplifying sound. It's about the size of a bite sized candy bar, and it would be there semi permanently. We did a test run of this, where we just held the box on the side of my head. It was the creepiest feeling I've ever felt. I could hear, but it felt like I had a bad TV reception inside my head. It wasn't natural sounding, and it made me feel dizzy and off balance. I can't really describe it. I didn't like it at all. Plus everything was on a strange delay. I would hear normal sounds in my right ear then hear weird, loud, robotish sounds through my left, on a delay. I'm not thinking I'm interested in this. I mean, I know it's an amazing breakthrough in science, but I don't think I'm hearing that poorly to justify it. I don't know.

4. Surgery to clean up the scar tissue and replace the bones...again... I've tried this before, and my body said hell to the no. The doctors believe they could scoop the scar tissue out, cut under my eardrum and try attaching a new prosthetic bone into my ear that might prove to be lasting. Though the technology has changed, this still makes me nervous. There is no guarantee how my body might react to another prosthetic being put in. I'm not sure how I really feel about going under for something they can't 100% guarantee will last. Realistically, I understand nothing is guaranteed to work, but it seems like I've have a pretty crappy run on this strategy up until this point.

Bah, I don't know. I have another evaluation next Tuesday. I'm getting a CT scan to see how much bone I have left in my ear, and having another pow wow with the doctors. I have the head of Barnes ear surgery, my ENT, and the head of the audiology department evaluating my situation. I was proded for 2 1/2 hours by them and a bunch of students and now I just feel ill. It makes me feel so sea sick when people mess with my ears. They get all excited about the strangeness that is my ear. I just get barfy from being poked.

I'm not making any decisions now, but it does give me something to think about. I could potential improve my quality of life. But I'm not sure the risks justify the benefits. We'll see.

Aug 9, 2010

I'm Back.

I'm not new and improved or anything, but I'm still that's a plus.
I just spend two weeks in Florida, and on a whim we took a breathtaking drive through the Smokey Mountains on our way back home. Man-child is back at work today and I miss him fiercely.
I have the biggest crush on Clayton, Georgia and I really would like to live there.
Thinking about moving somewhere new makes me happy. I like adventures. 
My dogs are in good health, the man-child and I are thriving, and I made the best pulled pork known to man last night. I didn't think I could grill, till I started grilling. Who knew?
My grandmother had a mini-stroke. She's okay now, but it scared me when it happened. 
School starts in two weeks. For whatever reason, I thought it would be a good idea to take on more than I did last semester. If I end up killing someone due to stress, you'll bail me out right, internet?
I started riding a bike. I like it. Better yet, my butt is starting to get used to it. The first few times I rode a bike I thought my butt was never going to forgive me. I couldn't sit right for days. Is this just me?
I grew new things in my garden this summer. We had a haul of blackberries, but our tomatoes are a bit lackluster this year. They keep falling off the vine before they're ripe. Fuckers. I also planted lavender, snap peas, and lettuce this year. They were delicious. 
I took a very small amount of pictures on my trip, and they're all from my phone. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I always take a ton of pictures with the intent of printing them all out and hanging them on the wall. I never do this so I'm not sure why I keep taking pictures. See, we're all caught up. Now enjoy the grainy photos.

Apr 16, 2010


*Knock knock knock*

me: Hello cute little neighbor kid... what do you need?
me: Oh, you found helpless tiny animal that needs to be saved? Oh, but I don't like cats...
me: No, no thank you... I don't need to hold it.
me: Really, that's okay... no... I....well hello there little guy.
kitteh: meowowowowowwwwhateyouandlifeandgodandeverything
me (forgetting kettehs have a pointy side): Ouch! Fuck! Pointy!
*examines scratch marks on chest*
 *gives kitteh a dirty look*
kitteh: meowwowowwwwi'mpartninjaandwillshankyoubitch

me (because obviously I have half crazy somewhere in my family): Well... if whatsherface doesn't want it, we'll take it...
Brett: What is that noise?
*holds kitteh up*
Brett: well, that's adorable. Don't forget it's pointy. 

Neighbor kids took kitteh to whatsherfaces mother's cousin house who is twice removed and (for all I know) has exactly that many teeth... Turns out she wanted the angry little thing, and I was spared from my temporary lapse in sanity. Whew.

Mar 22, 2010

Dachshund's Rescued from Breeder

Mistreated dachshunds and other breeds rescued from unlicensed breeder KSDK -- The Humane Society of Missouri and local authorities in Stone County participated in the rescue of 55 dogs living in poor conditions on a property near Hurley, Missouri on Monday afternoon.

The Stone County Sheriff's Department and Missouri Department of Agriculture assisted with the rescue.

More than 40 dachshunds, four Great Pyrenees, a German Shepherd, several Boston terriers and five mixed breed dogs were rescued. Two four-week-old puppies were not housed with their mother and were severely dehydrated. In additional, authorities discovered 12 dead adult dogs and newborn puppies, including a partially eaten puppy, in a rubber container located behind the home.

Click here to view pictures of the dogs

More than 20 of the dogs were running loose in the home, which was piled with trash and debris and covered with urine and feces. The rescued animals will be brought to the Humane Society's headquarters shelter in St. Louis City for immediate care. They will remain in custody until a formal hearing. If custody is granted to the Humane Society, as many of the animals as possible will be posted for adoption.

For more information on donating or to report animal abuse, visit

Mar 7, 2010

Earthdog Pictures - Bettina Woolbright

One of my fellow dog-crazy friends, Bettina Woolbright has another talent. She takes pictures, and fabulous ones at that.  Last year she captured the BEST picture of my Dyllan at the Missouri Earthdog memorial day bash... I just had to share it with you.

We were checking in participants for the trial, and Dyllan was helping. He spent the whole day hanging out on a chair, enjoying the fine weather. While all of the other terriers and dachshunds out there were going crazy with excitement Dyllan was chill. I even left him to go eat lunch, and he didn't move or make a peep. He really is the best long-dog ever.

For those of you close to me (St. Louis) I can't encourage you more to bring your dogs out to Purina Farms one weekend and try your hand (or paw) at some of the working events. It's all about instinct, and very little training is nessisary. The dogs know exactly what to do. If you're not close to St. Louis, look up your local earthdog club and give it a whirl!

If earthdog isn't your thing, you can always get a Dog Portraits by Bettina!

Feb 28, 2010

The Facebook

Oh Facebook. How I love thee. Let me count the ways.

1. Endless entertainment from notsoclose friends having death match fights with significant others / friends / baby mamas. Spelling errors are an added bonus.

2. Even more entertainment from much loved family members that know just enough about computers to be considered 'dangerous.' Resulting phone calls from the older family members that relay said drama that happened on “the facebook” are just cherries on the cake, man.

3. Pictures. Lots of pictures. Though I'll be the first to admit how petty it is, there is a small part of me that loves seeing people that were uppity in high school that are now train wrecks in their mid twenties. Heh.

4. Cowbells. Being silly I put that I "needs more cowbell" as my facebook status a while back. A week later, a mysterious cowbell shows up on my doorstep. Maybe next time I should put "needs more cash" or "needs bigger boobs." The mystery of the cowbell still hasn't been solved. Fess up, you!

5. People that forget that every single one of their 300 + friends can see their pictures, status updates, racist remarks, and conspiracy theories…

6. Stalking. That's right, I said it. There are a few people that I'm really really interested in for whatever reason, but only want to be interested in them at a distance. Facebook makes this possible without making me look crazy. For the most part.

Facebook Fails

Jan 18, 2010

Oh, sweet jesus.

I have never in my life wanted something as bad as I want these...

Dachshund Keds

Ooooh, or these

and if you're getting the might as well get the scarf to go along with it...

Oh man, you can go on and on and on. Dachshund people may be crazy, but at least we look good!

Jan 8, 2010


Hey, do you know it's oh10?! It's also that time of year that a lot of people out there are considering / implementing their resolutions. I've never been one to make a resolution (or multiples of) because I think you're ultimately setting yourself up for failure...unless your resolution is to fail at all your resolutions, in which case I commend you on your creativity and honesty....not that I think people are ultimately failures I just think...okay this is kind of awkward... yeah, moving on.

So this got me thinking of resolutions that I wished my dogs would make, and I started writing a list. Turns out, there are quite a few of them.

  • We promise to no longer shove our cold feet into our mother's back, or our cold noses into her armpit

  • We will Rooo less

  • We will wag more

  • We understand that our mother can use the bathroom unsupervised, and will refrain from constant supervision to ensure that she does not escape from the secret exit that we think is located somewhere in the bathroom

  • Squeaker toys are our friends, not our enemies

  • Sneaking into our neighbor's yard to poop is not okay

  • We will quit fake ignoring our parents when they call us to go outside when it's raining, cold, or when we're just too comfy to bother to get up

  • Our parents can dry themselves off without our help

  • We will stay out of the kitchen when our mother is cooking, especially when she's transporting boiling water from the stove to the sink

  • We will stop thinking other breeds of dogs, excluding dachshunds, are suspect

  • We will quit rolling in dying things and or poop in the yard

  • We will each have our own individual toy and not all fight for whatever toy that Bitsy is currently playing with

  • Socks are not toys

  • Underwear would not be a toy, either

  • Our poop is not delicious, even when it's froze into a Poopsicle

  • We understand our nails will grow back, and that our parents are not cutting off our legs at the ankles when they're being trimmed

  • Squirrels and things that buzz are our friends

  • There are other ways to enjoy a toy other than destuffing it as quickly as possible

  • What is in my siblings bowl really is the same thing that is in my bowl, honestly

  • Baths are sometimes a nessisary evil, and shaking while your getting one is just not cool

Do you make a resolution? Do you think your dog(s) should?
Have a happy 2010 everyone. Muah.