Wiener Woman

How to distress a wall... a tutorial with pictures

2011-07-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

The first thing to know about distressing a wall is that, once you do it, one of your walls will be essentially destroyed. If you ever want to change that wall, or paint it, or need to sell, or the rapture is here and you have to split... you can change the color on top but the texture ain't goin' anywhere. Your wall will look like a crumbling 100 year old wall in the end, which is sweet, but it's a commitment. Just my warning label for whatever it's worth. Also, before I start credit must be given to Reclaimed Home's blog. Their process was what I followed, and though they give a good base of what to do there are a lot of grey areas. I'm just filling is on the areas that we needed clarification on, and as we figured out along the way. There were a few times we were all , wait, what the fuck do we do now?

The colors I used - from least shown to most shown

Gold

Blue

Light Grey

Dark Grey

White and tinted Joint Compound

Tools you'll need
Paint
Crackle
Joint Compound
Craft Paper
Brushes (all of the color was hand brushed on)
Trowel and bucket
Blankets / drop cloth to put on floor

Ladder

Step One

The first thing you do is get joint compound. We bought a five gallon bucket for the wall which is about 20 ft by 15 ft. I've never actually measured it. I'm just eyeballing it. The joint compound we purchased was Sheetrock All Purpose Lightweight Joint Compound. No specific reason other than that's what they carried at the store. This is a bright, primer white. You get a trowel and spread the joint compound all over your wall.

You do not want this smooth and pretty. You want it patchy, thicker in some areas, and places where it's missing completely. You'll let this dry. Took about 4 hours with a fan on it.

Something I wish I would have done differently - I didn't realize that you would see this layer of joint compound. When you rip through to get your distressed look at the end, it will pull straight down to the base coat in some places. For me that was the dark brown that was previously on the wall, and the white joint compound. I wish I had pulled half of the compound out and tinted it a grey color before putting it on the wall. It would have added a bit more depth.

Step Two

After the joint compound dries completely add the color you want to see the least on your wall. For me this was a gold. Depending on your color pallet, this will be different. Put it up patchy and in no random order. Make sure your spots aren't just linear which is something that we started doing at first. Make some of them more oval and oblong.

Step Three

Apply weathered crackle to the top of the yellow color in random places. I used a quart of Valspar weathered crackle for the next handful of steps where you add color, dry, add crackle, dry.... (We used two quarts for the whole wall). You'll want to cover most of the yellow with it, but it's not an exact science. Leave a some areas without it. You'll do this every time you put a new color on top of another color. Let this dry for whatever time the package says. Ours was an hour. We had a fan on it so we cheated a bit with the time. I'm not condoning cheating.

Step Four

Next we covered most of the wall in the lighter grey. You can see we covered a good portion of the yellow up.

You can see how the overlapping colors with the crackle between them will start to, well, crackle. It's pretty rad.

Step Five

Add more crackle on top of the grey in random spots. Let dry.

Step Six

Add the color you want to see the second most of. For us, this was a blue. We applied this in the same patchy way we put the yellow on the wall. Let it dry.

Step Seven

Add crackle on top of the blue. Let it dry. Then we added a darker grey on top of the blue, leaving a bit of it hanging out. This will crackle in the same way that the yellow did. By this point most of your wall should be covered. You can keep doing this as many times as you would like, and with as many different colors as you like. There is no rhyme or reason to it. At this time we've used the first quart of crackle.

Step Eight

Put crackle on top of most of the wall. This will cause the joint compound you're about to put back onto it to crackle, so don't be too skimpy on it. We used all of the second quart of crackle on this step. Let it dry.

Step Nine

Here is where things are the trickiest, but it's not that terrible. Stick with me. We tinted the joint compound with the darker grey color. Now you want to trowel on the compound into small areas.

Add craft paper ontop of the wet compound and let it almost set. Craft paper is the same thing as brown wrapping paper. I got mine from the paint store.You'll press this into the wall and help smooth it out. The pressing will really make it look like a plaster wall. You can press harder in some areas and lighter in others. You'll get the hang of it. You can't mess it up.

Step Ten

This was the hardest part. After it sets just enough you'll want to pull the craft paper off the wall. It's hard to find that sweet spot where the compound has set enough, but not too much. If you pull too soon the paper will pull off and the compound will stay on and you wont see any of the color underneath. If you pull too late the paper will dry to the compound. We had to play around to figure it out, and you'll have to do the same. We had a squirt bottle to mist the walls in case it got too dry, and used our trust old fan as well. When you rip off the paper you'll start to see your texture and bottom colors pull through.

We used that little thingymabob tool to gently pull off any additional layers, and make more color pull through.This is up to you how you want it to look.

You can see in these pictures how all of the colors pull through. The light/dark greys, yellow and blue. Even the white from the first layer of joint compound and the original wall.

Here is a closer view of the texture. You can see in this last picture what color the joint compound was wet, and in the picture before the lighter grey that it dried. I like the darker color, so we will be going back in and darkening up some of the dried joint compound with stain.

We're not finished yet, but I'm loving the way it's turning out thus far. It's been a hell of a lot of work for one wall, but it's going to be so unique when we're finished. Manchild and the Cowboy are ready to kill me, I'm sure, and I can't say I blame them. More to come as we finish!

Go big or go home

2011-07-20T09:41:00.000-07:00

I can do nothing half way. I'm an all or nothin' kind of gal. Whenever I make up my mind to do something, you better bet we're doing it in a big way. When we first bought our house it was a foreclosure. People thought cleaning the years of neglect and grim off of it, and slapping some paint on the walls would be satisfactory. Unfortunately for them, and the manchild, that wasn't going to cut it. All the carpet had to go. Hardwood and slate floors were put down. Bathrooms were re-tiled, a wall was taken out, the kitchen (stove, fridge, cabinets) were rearranged, and everything that wasn't moving was painted. All within the month time limit we had to get the hell out of the apartment we were renting.

We hustled.

Unfortunately with the hustling came some rash decisions. I had a general idea of the paint I wanted up on the walls, but with everything else going on I didn't spend too much time thinking about how I wanted things to flow. I went to the paint store, picked out some of my favorite colors and threw them up. The results weren't horrible, but it never felt right.

Earth tones and orange. I'm predictable. Don't judge. In a sudden fit of insanity stemming from lord knows what, I decided that EVERYTHING. MUST. CHANGE.This time around I spent quite a bit of time figuring out what it is that makes me happy. Pinterest played a huge part in helping me to organize those feelings and ideas into some semblance of order. I made a pinboard for things I wanted to see in my house. Best idea I've ever had. When I told people what it was I wanted to do they either looked at me like I had two heads or thought I was going for country/shabby chic. When I showed them the pinboard they still didn't have a word for it, but they understood the general feel.

One thing that was crucial to my happiness in this house was a distressed wall. I wanted an old, peeling 100 year old plaster wall finish on one wall in my house. I wanted to have the overtones be the general greys that I had picked out for my living room / kitchen with beautiful blues and yellows showing underneath. Something along the lines of this, only with my colors.

Thanks to the internet, a girl can have whatever it is she wants. We found a tutorial online, bought all the supplies needed, and went to work. It took us a week, and an extensive use of colorful language, but it's almost finished. Process pictures up soon!

Conservatitve Area

2011-06-24T09:23:00.000-07:00

I was driving into work today and saw a sign for a Conservative Area. This confused me for all of three seconds, then I realized that the sign was actually for a Conservation Area. I was crushed. I was hoping to see a herd of angry white men corralled together, doing whatever it is that conservative people do on a regular basis in their natural habitat. I would take pictures. Llife would be grand. Clearly I have issues with reading signs.

Take people for instance. No one person in particular, but you know, people. The general kind. Add my interactions with them, and cue disaster. My inherent flaw with dealing with anyone is I take them for their word. 100%. No questions asked. You say you are going to do something, and I'll hold you to it. That's just dumb. People say things they don't mean. I'm always a bit confused why, but it is what it is I guess. I'm good with people, but (there's always a but), I'm too lenient with my 'benefit of the doubt giving.' I can excuse someone's behavior like no other. It's one of my superpowers, actually. No, who am I trying to kid? I just blow at reading the signs. I know better than to take too much stock in others' words and for fuck sake I need to stop. But I wont. Half the fun in meeting someone new is believing in them.

Internet, lets make a deal. You tell me something, and I'll believe you. Because, you know, we're tight, and that's how things should be. (I wont hold you accountable for my families chain mail sending, because I know you can't help them). In return, I'll keep telling you things, like how I single-handedly funded a child's cult upbringing with a cookie purchase, and how I managed to put my bra on inside out.

Deal?

My Four

2011-04-23T17:56:00.000-07:00

I have a pretty kick ass assignment due in my English class. It could be my favorite paper I've ever been asked to write. For the final assignment of this semester we were asked to read Frankenstein and to focus on chapter 14. If you haven't read the novel, this is where the Creature finds four books (after learning how to read by creeping on the cottagers) which, after reading them, comprises of his entire education. We were then asked to evaluate Mary Shelley's choice of books, and pick four books of our own to educate our very own little creature.

This has taken way more thought that I would have ever dreamed. I can pump out papers pretty easily, but there is something about this assignment that is making me really stop and think. I've had a hell of a time coming up with my four books. What is it that I want to teach a creature about life in the first place? Which books eloquently and adequately express those philosophies through their pages? How do I do this without sounding like a total... blowhard? I've made so many lists of books that I'm starting to worry I'm over thinking this assignment a bit too much. I've asked everyone that I know what their list of books would be looking for a bit of inspiration. Everyone has had different selections. It's just so personal, especially if you're a reader.

Well done, professor. You've successfully provided me with a paper that has caused me to think, not bullshit. Other than fiction writing, this has been a very rare occurrence.

So, right, my list. I'm writing it down here so I can't change it. I just have my books selected at this point, and I still need to write the actual paper...

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Charles Dodgson. Alice laughed. "There's no use trying," she said: "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte. "My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods; time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath--a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind--not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being"
Plan Bee - Susan Brackney "As I idly watch them fly from flower to flower and from flower to hive, I realize they have managed to slow my previously frenetic pace, to make me more appreciative of the workings of the universe, and to return me, at least a little bit, to simpler times."
A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson. "It is a slightly arresting notion that if you were to pick yourself apart with tweezers, one atom at a time, you would produce a mound of fine atomic dust, none of which had ever been alive but all of which had once been you."

You?

Transparency

2011-04-15T12:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was caught in the act of doing something I despise, and I was rightfully called out on it. I made a mistake. This is not something I find myself doing too often. That may sound conceited, but whatev. I make very few decisions without considering all of the consequences ahead of time. This prepares me for most things that may come my way. If I’m finding myself knee deep in some shit, it will be no surprise to me… plus it was probably worth it.

My mistake was pretty minor in the grand scheme of things. This time around, I wasn’t entirely forward, concise, or honest. With myself, mostly. Shame on me. I know better. I allowed myself to hesitate, and do some bush beating, instead of just spitting out what it was that I wanted. The uncertainty came from the risk. I wasn’t afraid of rejection, because that isn’t something that would hold me back in the least. I was more afraid of tainting the short time we have left.

Silly girl.

I find myself adhering to a basic philosophy for my life. Do something, or don’t. I try not to waste a moment mucking around in the wishy-washy middle ground of indecision. If you’re angry, address the issue or get the hell over it. If you want something from someone, ask. If you want to do something, quit freaking talking about it and make it happen. Whatever you do, do not pussy foot around. Do not be uspet with someone for not reading your mind. And, most importantly, do not expect someone to know what you want if you haven't told them. Assuming and hinting can make things complicated, and that is unnecessary. Even if the answer isn’t what you ultimately wanted it to be, at least you have been clear. In this case it worked out nicely in the end.

Lesson learned. Go me!

Of Course

2011-04-02T00:30:00.001-07:00

He knows how to dance.
Of course.

Rotting Bananas

2011-03-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

Are actually delicious. When you cover them in butter, flour, and sugar bake them into bread that is.
I have a recipe that I always fall back on when making banana bread. It's super moist, and not as dense as others that I have tried. It's adapted from a recipe I found years ago, and I always add in whatever I have lying around the house. This time it was booze, chocolate, applesauce, and raisins. I'm not sure what that says about me...

Ingredients

1 cup granulated sugar
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
2 large eggs
3 ripe bananas
1 tablespoon milk
1 heaping tablespoon ground cinnamon
handful of raisins (I soaked these in whiskey and a bit of hot water to plump them up before adding them)
1 cup(ish) of applesauce. I wasn't exact. I just dumped some in.
handful of chocolate chips
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt

Directions

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Butter a 9 x 5 x 3 inch loaf pan.

Cream the sugar and butter in a large mixing bowl until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition.Add the applesauce.

In a small bowl, mash the bananas with a fork. Mix in the milk and cinnamon. In another bowl, mix together the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.

Add the banana mixture to the creamed mixture and stir until just combined. Add dry ingredients, mixing just until flour disappears.(This is actually important, I've found. Don't over beat it at this point)

Pour half of the batter into prepared pan, add some of the raisins and the chocolate chips. Add the rest of the batter and the rest of the raisins and chocolate chips. Stir a bit with a spoon. This keeps all of the goodies from sinking to the bottom.
Bake 1 hour to 1 hour 10 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Set aside to cool on a rack for 15 minutes.
If you can wait till the next day to eat it, it gets better.

Mother Nature is a Whore

2011-03-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the 32nd annual Wurstfest in Hermann Missouri... which is outdoors.
There we eat potato pancakes, watch the wiener dog derby, and drink wine.
Today it snowed about 4 inches and it's still coming down.
How much wine will I have to drink to quit caring how cold it is?

Well. Shit.

2011-03-25T12:34:00.000-07:00

The purpose of this blog is perspective. My head is often full of hard to comprehend emotions. Sometimes I need a place to work through whatever it is on my mind less it devours me up. Every now and again I talk about things that make people uncomfortable, and really, I’m okay with that. I try to be respectful of other people and all that bullshit, but at the end of the day this is for me. If you read this, you’re just along for the ride. Seatbelts are mandatory. I also change the stations obsessively and I’m not apologizing. With that in mind, I’ve never had the source of my writing actually read my words.

Manchild knows that I blog, but he has zero interest in wanting to read what I’m writing. If it’s not political pandering of some sort, he could care less. If I wrote about Sarah Palin it might catch his eye... but only if it gave him the opportunity to be angry about something. Dachshunds, cowboys, and doctors aren’t on his entertainment spectrum. After all, he lives with me. He hears me talk about this stuff obsessively on a day to day basis. I can’t say that I blame him for not wanting to read about it as well.

The cowboy, like a lot of things that are right in front of his silly face, remains clueless. I prefer it that way, to be honest. Having that space allows me to come on here and talk about things…like what we discussed the other night. How one day I woke up and realized I did not need him like I thought I did. That even I have limits to my endurance. That what I was terrified of, when it came right down to it, was saying just that to him. How shocked he was. How careful he’s been around me as of late. How terrified he’s been of my bolting. How he’s been cool to me because of just that. He’s scared to admit that he needs me less I leave him too.

I’ve been his constant since he was 23 years old, and I was 17. We’re heading towards 9 years… of this. It’s not so much that I’m out of strength; it’s more along the lines of hitting my ceiling. I’m still in shock. I didn’t think I had one. Before when I would think of the cowboy not being in my life I would feel sick. Lately, I find myself not thinking of him at all. I'm just, over him. It’s a shame that the dynamics have shifted just when he starts to come to around. Life would work no other way, whore that she is sometimes.

Now things have become a bit hairier, and yes, believe it or not, that is entirely possible with me. I’ve led myself right into a predicament with the doctor. I knew the moment I first laid eyes on him. I’m in tune with him in a really captivating way, and I thought I had a plethora of time to figure it all out…to learn if it was a reciprocated sentiment. There is a real possibility that this has been fabricated by my own imagination. Given the opportunity I would have discussed all of this (and everything about him) in excruciating detail here. Everything I find appealing. Things I fret about. More time would have amazing but he has a wandering streak and I knew from the start he would be gone.

To add to it, the doc is fucking quick. He caught on that I blogged a while ago, and inadvertently came across the name yesterday. I’d bet my first born he has remembered what it is. The man is a talent. I’m not sure whether he would think about going back to look, but the possibility is there. Possibility is a fitting description all around when it comes to him. And so, here I am in a bit of a hard place. Continue to expose myself? Lock this bitch down? Hope that he forgot? Hope that he didn't? Sigh.

Illinoisssssss

2011-03-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

We woke up at dawn and headed to the Shawnee National Forest today, and had one hell of a time. Every fall and spring we take the two hour drive down there for the biannual snake migration. That area has a pretty unique little ecosystem going for it. If you're a bionerd like I am, you can read more about Snake Road here: https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&view=bsp&ver=ohhl4rw8mbn4

We were lucky enough to spot 11 snakes, 4 of which were cotton mouths. We also got to witness some toads getting down.

Doc was with us. Sigh. In fact, this was one of the adventures we put down on our list of things to do before he has to leave. His leaving is just... incredibly hard for me to come to terms with. I'm so proud of him I could burst, really. There is such a vein of courage, fortitude, and grit inside him, and I know he doesn't need anyone in the world. But, at the same time, a part of me just wants to put him in my pocket and keep him by me always.

Shit in My Backyard

2011-03-19T19:16:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I posted any pictures, and I do apologize. My camera died sometime last year, and for some reason I have a real mental block when it comes to buying batteries. Tonight, for whatever reason, I totally remembered. I got to see some pictures that I took of some adorable wildlife in my backyard that I had forgotten about until now. One is a little set of twinlette deer who visited quite often over the summer last year.... the other is a groundhog we named Gary. The photos were taken through the glass so they aren't stellar, but I dare you not to aawww when you see those deer.

I grew up in the country, and now I pretty much live in purgatory. Okay, a subdivision, whatever. I used to see nature all of the time out my back door before I moved out. Now, I get unnecessarily excited when I see wild things in my backyard. Even if they're pretty common critters around these parts, I still love seeing them. Here's hoping that the twins made it through the winter and Gary will come and see us again next year.

I'm heading to Shawnee Nature Reserve tomorrow with the Manchild and that one person that still needs to be properly introduced. I'll have my camera with me so look forward to something of interest. Also, look forward to some substance on Mr. Vague. I've been hesitant and careful with him so far because, well, I feel uncontrollably protective of him, and his time here is limited. Plus, I'm still working out what exactly he'd do with his hands...

Swinger

2011-03-11T20:19:00.000-08:00

Internet, I've been busy lately. No, I mean it. Really really busy. I've had little time for much needed social interaction, and I've caught myself doing quite a bit of people watching. It's actually one of my favorite things to do, so I wont complain too much. But dang. It makes me crave... interaction. Due to this craving I've made a pact to myself. One time a week I'm going to do something that is fucking awesome.

In the Lou there is a pretty awesome dance scene on Thursday nights. I don't mean the bumpin' and grindin' hooha, but partner dancing. Not that bumpin' and grindin' doesn't need a partner, because you usually need a partner to do the grinding on, but the kind of partner dancing that requires a conversation between you and the person you're dancing with. Swing and salsa dancing is what I've been doing a lot of, and internet, I can't deny it. I'm hooked. I adore everything about it. Mostly, I'm addicted to the conversation you have with your partner while dancing, when no actual words are said. A little pressure on the back tells you to do a spin. A touch of the elbow, go faster. An arm around the waist to slow down. It's just the type of interaction I've needed from complete strangers.

Maybe I'm crazy but sometimes the blah blah blah drives me fucking, well, crazy. I'm tired of talking about myself, and hearing trite things about people I've just met. With dancing, I don't have to get to know the other person. I don't care about their politics, or their job, or really, about them at all. I don't even care what their name is. I just have to say yes, and give them my hand. It makes life so much simpler. We'll figure out the rest in the three minutes we're out there. Then we can really communicate in the way I know best.

So I started to think about other ways people talk without, you know, talking. This made me think about kissing, and that naturally led down the road of thinking about... hands? No, really now. I find myself spending way too much time thinking about what someone would do with their hands while kissing. Would they go for the nape of the neck? The small of the back? Shoulders? Hips? Face? Hands in my hair?

Yes, please.

It's a great thing to think about, and an incredible way to waste time. Give it a try the next time you meet someone new, I know I have been. Take one look at them. Take in the way they move, see how they carry themselves, and decide what it is they would do with their hands.

A List for my Sanity

2011-02-07T16:39:00.000-08:00

I'm having a hell of a day/week/year. It's not often that I actually say that, so I feel justified in giving in to a real woe is me moment tonight. This time instead of crying about it (which is a feasible option all things considered) I'm going to focus on the good things that are happening to me right this second.

The man-child landed himself an interview tomorrow. He sent his resume out today, and by noon they had called him back asking him to come in. They could hire him, or they could offer him peanuts and tell him to go fly a kite. Either way, this is a huge boost for his ego since this will be his first real interview. He kind of fell into his previous jobs so this is wonderful. Go him!
I absolutely adore my husband... way more than words could ever express. He is my biggest fan in all things that I do. Being married to your best friend really is swell.
Though the cowboy and I may not see eye to eye on everything in the past and present, when I let go of enough pride to actually say something, he's there for me. Without question or judgment. Knowing this is is a real source of strength in my life.
There is a new friend in my life right now. He...well. Sometimes, you just know, you know? And that much I know about him. I need a nickname for him for here. I'll write more when I think one up.
My long doggies are, for the most part, healthy and happy. Bitsy has an old lady lump that had a blow out and ended up infected, but with some meds it's healing nicely. They are pretty angry about the snow freezing their bits, but such is life.
Taj and Raja are visiting us. I love them so. I wish, more than anything, that it was under better circumstances. Sometimes the world is an illogical place, and horrible things happen to extraordinary people.
I'm UNDERSTANDING genetics. It's awful, and some of the most difficult material I've ever tried to comprehend, but with a lot of hard work and a stupid amount of hours studying I'm starting to make sense of things.
GLEE has started again. Thank dog.

These few things are keeping my head above the water.
It really is the little things, and looking through this list, my few little things seem so much more substantial when I take a second and consider all I have to be happy for.

After all, perspective makes everything manageable.

Snow days are delicious.

2011-02-01T15:53:00.000-08:00

Adult snow days are pretty awesome. In case you missed the memo airing between the malpractice commercials and viagra ads on local TV, St. Louis is facing the Snowpocalypse.

Since we're all doomed, I've decided that it doesn't matter how much butter I consume today. Rebel that I am and all, I made these cinnamon rolls. They put Paula Dean to shame, but my dog they're good. I'd go so far as to say life changing, but then you'd think I was weird and probably never talk to me again.

I'm not a coffee drinker so I modified the glaze a bit. I increased the milk /butter to make up for the lack of liquid, added a few morsels of dark chocolate, and a heavy handed dash of Vietnamese cinnamon. Seriously people. If you're cooking anything where cinnamon needs to shine, Vietnamese cinnamon is your homeboy. Worth every freaking penny.

I also made a big pot of chicken and dumpling last night for us to eat off of for awhile. The idea being that we'll have enough fat on us that we can survive being snowed in for a year... Mission accomplished.

The Sass of a Tranny. A story.

2011-01-12T12:12:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my grandmother's birthday...

I took a herd of my sheltered country family to Vin de Set and the Chocolate Bar, two nice resturaunts in St. Louis. We had time to kill between reservations so we decided to head to The Loop, a trendy little strip of shopping next to Washington University.

The first store we hit was Phoenix Rising where one of my cousin's, we'll call her Mrs Apple, bought a book on dreams for the gal that cleans her house. It was one of those sweet little "just because" buys that always melts my heart... anyways... The next stop on our adventure was Avalon Exchange, a hip little clothing exchange store where all the hipsters get their gear. They also have a fantastic selection of cowboy boots, for whatever reason. While trying on shoes, Miss Apple naively left her little bag with the sweet little book in it on the ground next to her. Yeah, someone stole that bitch.

Miss Apple went to the tattoo / pierced gal that works there and very sweetly asked if someone might have picked up her bag with the book in it. No one that worked there had seen it, but they did have a pretty kick ass surveillance video system. They zipped the tape back a bit and see a woman walk next to Miss Apple and promptly shove the package into their purse. The gal working immediately recognized the thief, since the silly little thing had sold clothes to the exchange store earlier which requires you to give your license and cell phone number. Her name was De'von, and yeah, she was a tranny.

The gals working called De'von and confronted her about stealing the book.

She denied it.

Hung up on them.

Called back all indigent about being accused of stealing and read them the riot act.

Hung up on them again.

Called back and said, actually, she just found the book and was going to return it to the bookstore and she would bring it back.

Ten minutes later she came strutting in with the book, screaming at everyone in the store saying what kind of person just leaves packages lying around... evidently she was being a good citizen by bringing the stolen book back and she can't believe the treatment she was receiving. Finger snapping and plenty sassy behavior commenced.

Then she stormed out in a blaze of tranny glory.
It was. Amazing.

And my family was reminded why they never ventured into the big city.

At our house

2010-12-09T19:55:00.000-08:00

You'll now find cowboy boots, Copenhagen, and a truck parked outside.
For those of you that know what this mean, you'll understand why I've been MIA. I'm working so very hard to make things normal and get back into the swing of things. Whatever the hell normal may be.

He left three years ago, about this time of year, and the circumstances for our parting...fucking sucked. Things turned wrong somehow, and that meant that being apart was better than being together for him. And that thought kills me. Everything about it just sucked, and I wonder quite often if there will ever be a time that I can think back on it all and not feel ill. Not about what happened, or the choices that I had to make, but that those choices caused him to leave.

And there's him, himself. All 30 years of stubborn and set in his ways. 30 years of morals that shoves shades of gray into black and white boxes. Words that make me think there is no hope, that I am utterly insane, and looks that make me know that in the end, I'm fucking right. That we're fucking right, and that he is just going to have to learn to accept it. And one day he will, right? Right? He has to, because that is what has kept me going these past three years. My husband, that thought, and my own very special brand of stubborn that knows that this will work.

I might not fully understand what it is about him that is so vital to me, and I do not think I need to. All I know is that together the three of us are invincible.Together, I feel safe and content in a way that I can not express without sounding corny as all hell. And together is how we belong.

Signature

2010-10-05T11:04:00.000-07:00

Look! Look at this!

<"( );::::::;~

It's the perfect little add on for your signature. If you love the wiener, that is. If you don't yet own a dachshund, and are unimpressed at the fact that a dachshund can be constructed from punctuation, I'm not entirely sure why I know you. So there.

What I Have Learned

2010-09-28T13:08:00.000-07:00

Some things that I have learned I have been taught. Like how to ride a bike, and how to make my bed. When I started learning how to do these things, I was not very confident. In the case of riding my bike, well, I fell down a lot. Turning was a big problem for me. I would turn the handlebars, but I was always afraid to turn them too much in case the bike toppled over and I would fall. My huge turning radius would cause a scene anywhere other than an empty parking lot, but I did not care. I did not like falling, and this fear helped me to ascertain the best way for me to remain on my bike. I learned that a little fear is a great motivator, and not to care what people may think so long as you keep your head upright.

When it came to making my bed, I did not really understand the point. I nagged at my mother a lot; after all, I would be sleeping in the bed again very soon. I would sometimes cheat and not smooth out the sheets underneath. Sometimes I would leave them intentionally crooked just to be spiteful. I would have to work harder to hide the imperfections’ with the comforter and the pillows. This was time consuming, and pretty soon the novelty of sticking it to my mother wore off. I learned that doing things the right way the first time saved more time. In addition I learned to appreciate a freshly made bed.

Some things I had to learn on my own through trial and error. Asking a woman when she is due, even though she looks extraordinarily pregnant, is never a good idea. Never ever. I learned that sometimes your first impressions of a person, even though you are absolutely sure, can be misleading. My assumptions lead to hurt feelings, embarrassment on both sides, and a very awkward silence. I apologized, and it did not fix it the situation. I learned that sometimes sorry is not good enough, and that some situations just need time.

When I was younger I had made a friend in the condo complex that I grew up in. He lived below me, and every day after elementary school we would rush home, throw down our school baggage, and be off. I really liked him, and he really like me. He made me laugh, and he was mindful to play games that I liked best even if they weren’t his favorite. We were going to be friends forever. We would ride our rollerblades around the neighborhood and look at houses that we would one day move into. He was one year behind me, and eventually I moved onto high school leaving him in eighth grade.

We were still friends, but I was busy doing high school things and making new high school friends. I am not sure what all he was doing that year, since we had started to drift apart. I would think about him now and again, and get a little sad, but I never did anything to fix it. There were a lot of different things I could have done to fix it. Then, one day, he died. Death is stupid. You cannot change the end result; there is no coming back from being dead. I learned that it is better to say what you mean to those you care about when they are here then to go on living knowing that you squandered away the opportunity.

And the last life lesson that I have learned is quite simple. When engaging in extracurricular activities with your significant other take the time to make sure the window in the bedroom is closed. I learned that though the applause from the direct tv guys outside is one hell of a confidence booster, it can be a tad embarrassing.

Thou shall not be an Asshole.

2010-09-09T10:13:00.000-07:00

Seriously people. It's time to talk. America, you should be ashamed of yourself. Your tolerance for hate has got to stop. Last time I checked it was 2010 not the 1800's. News Flash! People are different. That doesn't make them monsters.

You're going to have to learn to deal one way or another.

What is the point in hating another group of people? No really, what your end game? Do you want to put them in their place? Make them into slaves? Rid the world of their beliefs? Kill them all off? Change them to be just.like.you? Deposit them on a remote island and never think of them again?

I just don't get the point, and I'm not even trying to be funny. It seems like a whole lot of wasted effort put into something for no good reason. What do you want from your hate? What do you expect to gain? Could someone please take the time and explain it to me because I'm not getting it...

I can hear you now... but but it's my RIGHT to hate. Free speech! Go America!

You CAN go out and burn Qur'ans. You're absolutely right.
No one is going to stop you.
I COULD go out and burn Bibles.

but

I wouldn't. Even though I don't agree with most Christian teachings.
You shouldn't either. Even though you do not believe in the teachings of Islam, or Christianity, or whatever.
It is just an asshole thing to do. So why do it?

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Having freedom of speech does give you free reign to run around spewing whatever vile pops into your head.

There are all kind of "thou shall not's" running around the world religions these days. Thou shall not kill, or screw around on your significant other, or steal. How about thou shall not be an asshole? Why is it so hard for people to not be assholes to one another? I'm not talking about having our society be closed lipped and PC, I'm just talking about putting a nanosecond of thought into how your actions have an impact on someone other than yourself. This goes for religion, sexuality, and race.

It's not that hard. In fact, I bet it's a way easier mentality to maintain than hate. I mean, you have to put a lot of effort into hate with no finale... at least by not being an asshole there is a future.

Mediterranean Roasted Vegetable & Chicken Chili

2010-09-09T09:27:00.000-07:00

This is cooking in my crock pot right now, and it smells fantastic. I added an extra can of chickpeas, didn't drain the tomatoes, quadrupled the garlic, and used all chicken broth instead of adding water. Just had to share.

2 lbs bone-in chicken breast
2 cans (15.5 ounces each) Great Northern beans, drained and rinsed
1 can (14.5 ounces) diced tomatoes, drained
3 tablespoons greek seasoning
2 teaspoons paprika
1 cup low-sodium chicken broth
2 zucchinis, cut into 1/2 inch pieces
1 red onion, thinly sliced
1 fennel bulb, trimmed, cored, sliced
3 cloves of garlic, minced
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano
1 teaspoon lemon zest
1/4 teaspoon of salt
crumbled feta cheese (optional)

1 - combine chicken, beans, tomatoes, 2 tablespoons of the greek seasoning and 1 teaspoon of the paprika in slow cooker. Add Broth and 1 cup water. Cover and cook on HIGH for 4 hours, and LOW for 6 hours.

2. In large roasting pan, toss together 2 teaspoons of the Greek seasoning, 1 teaspoon paprika, zucchinis, onion, fennel, garlic and olive oil. Roast at 425 degrees for 35 mins stirring twice. Stir in lemon juice, oregano and zest.

3. Remove chicken and shred into bite size pieces discarding bones. Stir chicken back into the slow cooker, adding in vegetables and remaining 1 teaspoon greek seasoning and salt. Cook an additional 15 mins and sprinkle with feta cheese.

Well done old boy, well done.

2010-08-31T13:25:00.000-07:00

Really people. The hate just needs to stop.

"Ground Zero mosque'? The reality is less provocative...

by Charlie Brooker

Things seem awfully heated in America right now; so heated you could probably toast a marshmallow by jabbing it on a stick and holding it toward the Atlantic. Millions are hopping mad over the news that a bunch of triumphalist Muslim extremists are about to build a "victory mosque" slap bang in the middle of Ground Zero.
The planned "ultra-mosque" will be a staggering 5,600ft tall – more than five times higher than the tallest building on Earth – and will be capped with an immense dome of highly-polished solid gold, carefully positioned to bounce sunlight directly toward the pavement, where it will blind pedestrians and fry small dogs. The main structure will be delimited by 600 minarets, each shaped like an upraised middle finger, and housing a powerful amplifier: when synchronised, their combined sonic might will be capable of relaying the muezzin's call to prayer at such deafening volume, it will be clearly audible in the Afghan mountains, where thousands of terrorists are poised to celebrate by running around with scarves over their faces, firing AK-47s into the sky and yelling whatever the foreign word for "victory" is.
I'm exaggerating. But I'm only exaggerating a tad more than some of the professional exaggerators who initially raised objections to the "Ground Zero mosque". They keep calling it the "Ground Zero mosque", incidentally, because it's a catchy title that paints a powerful image – specifically, the image of a mosque at Ground Zero.
When I heard about it – in passing, in a soundbite – I figured it was a US example of the sort of inanely confrontational fantasy scheme Anjem Choudary might issue a press release about if he fancied winding up the tabloids for the 900th time this year. I was wrong. The "Ground Zero mosque" is a genuine proposal, but it's slightly less provocative than its critics' nickname makes it sound. For one thing, it's not at Ground Zero. Also, it isn't a mosque.
Wait, it gets duller. It's not being built by extremists either. Cordoba House, as it's known, is a proposed Islamic cultural centre, which, in addition to a prayer room, will include a basketball court, restaurant, and swimming pool. Its aim is to improve inter-faith relations. It'll probably also have comfy chairs and people who smile at you when you walk in, the monsters.
To get to the Cordoba Centre from Ground Zero, you'd have to walk in the opposite direction for two blocks, before turning a corner and walking a bit more. The journey should take roughly two minutes, or possibly slightly longer if you're heading an angry mob who can't hear your directions over the sound of their own enraged bellowing.
Perhaps spatial reality functions differently on the other side of the Atlantic, but here in London, something that is "two minutes' walk and round a corner" from something else isn't actually "in" the same place at all. I once had a poo in a pub about two minutes' walk from Buckingham Palace. I was not subsequently arrested and charged with crapping directly onto the Queen's pillow. That's how "distance" works in Britain. It's also how distance works in America, of course, but some people are currently pretending it doesn't, for daft political ends.
New York being a densely populated city, there are lots of other buildings and businesses within two blocks of Ground Zero, including a McDonald's and a Burger King, neither of which has yet been accused of serving milkshakes and fries on hallowed ground. Regardless, for the opponents of Cordoba House, two blocks is too close, period. Frustratingly, they haven't produced a map pinpointing precisely how close is OK.
That's literally all I'd ask them in an interview. I'd stand there pointing at a map of the city. Would it be offensive here? What about here? Or how about way over there? And when they finally picked a suitable spot, I'd ask them to draw it on the map, sketching out roughly how big it should be, and how many windows it's allowed to have. Then I'd hand them a colour swatch and ask them to decide on a colour for the lobby carpet. And the conversation would continue in this vein until everyone in the room was in tears. Myself included.
That hasn't happened. Instead, 70% of Americans are opposed to the "Ground Zero mosque", doubtless in many cases because they've been led to believe it literally is a mosque at Ground Zero. And if not . . . well, it must be something significant. Otherwise why would all these pundits be so angry about it? And why would anyone in the media listen to them with a straight face?
According to a recent poll, one in five Americans believes Barack Obama is a Muslim, even though he isn't. A quarter of those who believe he's a Muslim also claimed he talks about his faith too much. Americans aren't dumb. Clearly these particular Americans have either gone insane or been seriously misled. Where are they getting their information?
Sixty per cent said they learned it from the media. Which means it's time for the media to give up.
Seriously, broadcasters, journalists: just give up now. Because either you're making things worse, or no one's paying attention anyway. May as well knock back a few Jagermeisters, unplug the autocue, and just sit there dumbly repeating whichever reality-warping meme the far right wants to go viral this week. What's that? Obama is Gargamel and he's killing all the Smurfs? Sod it. Whatever. Roll titles.

Run!

2010-08-19T17:38:00.000-07:00

Don't walk, and make this recipe for BBQ chicken. It was the most fantastic BBQ I have ever had the joys of tasting. I marinated a whole chicken then smoked it on the grill till it fell of the bone. This recipe is actually so good, now that I told you about it I'm fairly sure I have to kill you.

What did you say?

2010-08-11T10:16:00.000-07:00

So, if you know me you know that I'm nearly deaf in my left ear. That would be the primary reason that I always try to walk on your right side, and I might ask you to repeat things a few times. I had a slew of ear infections in my teens that did major damage on the inner workings of my ear. I'm supposed to have some bones in there, but they're long gone. I even went through a surgery to put prosthetics back in, but my body didn't care for that plan... and rejected them... and other crap is wrong in there as well that I don't want to bore you with. Anyways, all this has resulted in hearing loss around 75 - 80%.

Good news, my hearing nerves aren't damaged like we previously thought. I have the potential to hear, sound just isn't making it past all the scar tissue in my ear from past surgeries, and since the bones are missing the sounds isn't being transferred to the nerves. I went in yesterday to discuss some options with my ENT, and long story short...I have four options, three of which could allow me to reach normal hearing level in my left ear.

1. Leave it alone, and continue to deal. (I like this option! I've been living an okay life up until this point. I kind of look at my hearing loss like someone might look at a scar on their face. Their quality of life is not really that terrible, but it bothers them even though others might not even notice it till you point it out.)

2. Get a hearing aid. The audiologist isn't thinking this will help too terribly much, since I have so much scar tissue in my ear it's blocking sound going through. Piping in louder sound will just mean louder muffly sounds being heard.

3. Cochlear Implant..ie..Drill a hole into the side of my head and screw in a state of the art hearing aid that accesses the inner nerves instead of just amplifying sound. It's about the size of a bite sized candy bar, and it would be there semi permanently. We did a test run of this, where we just held the box on the side of my head. It was the creepiest feeling I've ever felt. I could hear, but it felt like I had a bad TV reception inside my head. It wasn't natural sounding, and it made me feel dizzy and off balance. I can't really describe it. I didn't like it at all. Plus everything was on a strange delay. I would hear normal sounds in my right ear then hear weird, loud, robotish sounds through my left, on a delay. I'm not thinking I'm interested in this. I mean, I know it's an amazing breakthrough in science, but I don't think I'm hearing that poorly to justify it. I don't know.

4. Surgery to clean up the scar tissue and replace the bones...again... I've tried this before, and my body said hell to the no. The doctors believe they could scoop the scar tissue out, cut under my eardrum and try attaching a new prosthetic bone into my ear that might prove to be lasting. Though the technology has changed, this still makes me nervous. There is no guarantee how my body might react to another prosthetic being put in. I'm not sure how I really feel about going under for something they can't 100% guarantee will last. Realistically, I understand nothing is guaranteed to work, but it seems like I've have a pretty crappy run on this strategy up until this point.

Bah, I don't know. I have another evaluation next Tuesday. I'm getting a CT scan to see how much bone I have left in my ear, and having another pow wow with the doctors. I have the head of Barnes ear surgery, my ENT, and the head of the audiology department evaluating my situation. I was proded for 2 1/2 hours by them and a bunch of students and now I just feel ill. It makes me feel so sea sick when people mess with my ears. They get all excited about the strangeness that is my ear. I just get barfy from being poked.

I'm not making any decisions now, but it does give me something to think about. I could potential improve my quality of life. But I'm not sure the risks justify the benefits. We'll see.

I'm Back.

2010-08-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

I'm not new and improved or anything, but I'm still breathing...so that's a plus.
I just spend two weeks in Florida, and on a whim we took a breathtaking drive through the Smokey Mountains on our way back home. Man-child is back at work today and I miss him fiercely.
I have the biggest crush on Clayton, Georgia and I really would like to live there.
Thinking about moving somewhere new makes me happy. I like adventures.
My dogs are in good health, the man-child and I are thriving, and I made the best pulled pork known to man last night. I didn't think I could grill, till I started grilling. Who knew?
My grandmother had a mini-stroke. She's okay now, but it scared me when it happened.
School starts in two weeks. For whatever reason, I thought it would be a good idea to take on more than I did last semester. If I end up killing someone due to stress, you'll bail me out right, internet?
I started riding a bike. I like it. Better yet, my butt is starting to get used to it. The first few times I rode a bike I thought my butt was never going to forgive me. I couldn't sit right for days. Is this just me?
I grew new things in my garden this summer. We had a haul of blackberries, but our tomatoes are a bit lackluster this year. They keep falling off the vine before they're ripe. Fuckers. I also planted lavender, snap peas, and lettuce this year. They were delicious.

I took a very small amount of pictures on my trip, and they're all from my phone. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I always take a ton of pictures with the intent of printing them all out and hanging them on the wall. I never do this so I'm not sure why I keep taking pictures. See, we're all caught up. Now enjoy the grainy photos.

Kitteh?

2010-04-16T06:29:00.000-07:00

*Knock knock knock*

me: Hello cute little neighbor kid... what do you need?
me: Oh, you found helpless tiny animal that needs to be saved? Oh, but I don't like cats...
me: No, no thank you... I don't need to hold it.
me: Really, that's okay... no... I....well hello there little guy.
kitteh: meowowowowowwwwhateyouandlifeandgodandeverything
me (forgetting kettehs have a pointy side): Ouch! Fuck! Pointy!
*examines scratch marks on chest*
*gives kitteh a dirty look*
kitteh: meowwowowwwwi'mpartninjaandwillshankyoubitch

me (because obviously I have half crazy somewhere in my family): Well... if whatsherface doesn't want it, we'll take it...
Brett: What is that noise?
*holds kitteh up*
Brett: well, that's adorable. Don't forget it's pointy.

Neighbor kids took kitteh to whatsherfaces mother's cousin house who is twice removed and (for all I know) has exactly that many teeth... Turns out she wanted the angry little thing, and I was spared from my temporary lapse in sanity. Whew.

Dachshund's Rescued from Breeder

2010-03-22T20:31:00.000-07:00

Mistreated dachshunds and other breeds rescued from unlicensed breeder KSDK -- The Humane Society of Missouri and local authorities in Stone County participated in the rescue of 55 dogs living in poor conditions on a property near Hurley, Missouri on Monday afternoon.

The Stone County Sheriff's Department and Missouri Department of Agriculture assisted with the rescue.

More than 40 dachshunds, four Great Pyrenees, a German Shepherd, several Boston terriers and five mixed breed dogs were rescued. Two four-week-old puppies were not housed with their mother and were severely dehydrated. In additional, authorities discovered 12 dead adult dogs and newborn puppies, including a partially eaten puppy, in a rubber container located behind the home.

Click here to view pictures of the dogs

More than 20 of the dogs were running loose in the home, which was piled with trash and debris and covered with urine and feces. The rescued animals will be brought to the Humane Society's headquarters shelter in St. Louis City for immediate care. They will remain in custody until a formal hearing. If custody is granted to the Humane Society, as many of the animals as possible will be posted for adoption.

For more information on donating or to report animal abuse, visit http://www.hsmo.org/.

Earthdog Pictures - Bettina Woolbright

2010-03-07T10:16:00.000-08:00

One of my fellow dog-crazy friends, Bettina Woolbright has another talent. She takes pictures, and fabulous ones at that. Last year she captured the BEST picture of my Dyllan at the Missouri Earthdog memorial day bash... I just had to share it with you.

We were checking in participants for the trial, and Dyllan was helping. He spent the whole day hanging out on a chair, enjoying the fine weather. While all of the other terriers and dachshunds out there were going crazy with excitement Dyllan was chill. I even left him to go eat lunch, and he didn't move or make a peep. He really is the best long-dog ever.

For those of you close to me (St. Louis) I can't encourage you more to bring your dogs out to Purina Farms one weekend and try your hand (or paw) at some of the working events. It's all about instinct, and very little training is nessisary. The dogs know exactly what to do. If you're not close to St. Louis, look up your local earthdog club and give it a whirl!

If earthdog isn't your thing, you can always get a Dog Portraits by Bettina!

The Facebook

2010-02-28T16:03:00.000-08:00

Oh Facebook. How I love thee. Let me count the ways.

1. Endless entertainment from notsoclose friends having death match fights with significant others / friends / baby mamas. Spelling errors are an added bonus.

2. Even more entertainment from much loved family members that know just enough about computers to be considered 'dangerous.' Resulting phone calls from the older family members that relay said drama that happened on “the facebook” are just cherries on the cake, man.

3. Pictures. Lots of pictures. Though I'll be the first to admit how petty it is, there is a small part of me that loves seeing people that were uppity in high school that are now train wrecks in their mid twenties. Heh.

4. Cowbells. Being silly I put that I "needs more cowbell" as my facebook status a while back. A week later, a mysterious cowbell shows up on my doorstep. Maybe next time I should put "needs more cash" or "needs bigger boobs." The mystery of the cowbell still hasn't been solved. Fess up, you!

5. People that forget that every single one of their 300 + friends can see their pictures, status updates, racist remarks, and conspiracy theories…

6. Stalking. That's right, I said it. There are a few people that I'm really really interested in for whatever reason, but only want to be interested in them at a distance. Facebook makes this possible without making me look crazy. For the most part.

Facebook Fails

Oh, sweet jesus.

2010-01-18T14:38:00.001-08:00

I have never in my life wanted something as bad as I want these...

Dachshund Keds

Ooooh, or these

and if you're getting the shoes...you might as well get the scarf to go along with it...

Oh man, you can go on and on and on. Dachshund people may be crazy, but at least we look good!

Resolution

2010-01-08T15:08:00.000-08:00

Hey, do you know it's oh10?! It's also that time of year that a lot of people out there are considering / implementing their resolutions. I've never been one to make a resolution (or multiples of) because I think you're ultimately setting yourself up for failure...unless your resolution is to fail at all your resolutions, in which case I commend you on your creativity and honesty....not that I think people are ultimately failures I just think...okay this is kind of awkward... yeah, moving on.

So this got me thinking of resolutions that I wished my dogs would make, and I started writing a list. Turns out, there are quite a few of them.

We promise to no longer shove our cold feet into our mother's back, or our cold noses into her armpit

We will Rooo less

We will wag more

We understand that our mother can use the bathroom unsupervised, and will refrain from constant supervision to ensure that she does not escape from the secret exit that we think is located somewhere in the bathroom

Squeaker toys are our friends, not our enemies

Sneaking into our neighbor's yard to poop is not okay

We will quit fake ignoring our parents when they call us to go outside when it's raining, cold, or when we're just too comfy to bother to get up

Our parents can dry themselves off without our help

We will stay out of the kitchen when our mother is cooking, especially when she's transporting boiling water from the stove to the sink

We will stop thinking other breeds of dogs, excluding dachshunds, are suspect

We will quit rolling in dying things and or poop in the yard

We will each have our own individual toy and not all fight for whatever toy that Bitsy is currently playing with

Socks are not toys

Underwear would not be a toy, either

Our poop is not delicious, even when it's froze into a Poopsicle

We understand our nails will grow back, and that our parents are not cutting off our legs at the ankles when they're being trimmed

Squirrels and things that buzz are our friends

There are other ways to enjoy a toy other than destuffing it as quickly as possible

What is in my siblings bowl really is the same thing that is in my bowl, honestly

Baths are sometimes a nessisary evil, and shaking while your getting one is just not cool

Do you make a resolution? Do you think your dog(s) should?
Have a happy 2010 everyone. Muah.

UMSL vs Webster

2009-12-21T11:42:00.000-08:00

I'm not going to Webster this January. I lied. Instead I am going to UMSL. The reasons why are many, and overall I am happy about my decision. To make me feel a bit 'happier' with all of this I'm going to outline pros and cons vs Webster and UMSL.

Webster Pros - - -
Intellectually I think I would have been a good fit. Small classes in a liberal arts college was exactly what I was looking for. There was something very charming to me when it came to Webster, before I even thought people needed to go to college I can remember driving past it and thinking that there was something prestigious about Webster. I loved the old buildings, the small student population, and the location location location.

Webster Cons - - -
The cost. I was prepared to pay the price of Webster when I was under the impression that I was getting a superb education. But when I hear Webster's own advisors tell me their science department is "subpar compared to most local high schools" I just couldn’t justify spending 25 K there anymore...and while we're talking advising let me tell you something. Webster's sucks, hard. Their advisors are not real advisors, as I found out the hard way. They're professors that just lend a helping hand. They have less of an understanding of requirements than I do, and their advice differs between person to person on things like which classes can be applied to your degree, and how long it will take you to graduate. They lost my transcripts several times, getting anyone to follow up with you was a struggle, and I just had an overall feeling of sloppiness when dealing with them. Also, classes were dropped willy-nilly, and a lot of the required classes that I needed were only offered every other semester, which was a huge deal in how long it would take me to graduate. Also, they really made me feel kind of shitty when it for transferring from a community college. One of my advisors didn't want to accept a class that was transferable from my transcripts because, well, I took it at STLCC…

UMSL Pros - - -
Cheaper, like half as much as I was planning to spend at Webster. They're a large university with a lot of opportunity to get a really decent education. I loved all of my advisors; everyone was extraordinarily helpful and willing to show me exactly where I needed to go and what I needed to do. They worked some real magic to get me in as quick as they did, and a lot of people bent over backwards for me. I recognized the gesture and was thankful for it. I really felt like they cared about my education, and cared about working with me. I know they get paid to do that, but that is a large part why they do their job so well. They have paid advisors that know their department’s degree’s and know what it is they’re talking about. It seemed like UMSL is way better equipped to deal with someone that is not an A-typical student. The only thing I missed out on were quite a few of the scholarships that I would have been eligible for since I was enrolling so late, but my Biology advisor is trying to work some voodo on that for me to see if I can squeeze into any. He was thrilled to have me in his program and had nothing but compliments for me when he saw my GPA and some of the professors I’ve had at STLCC.

UMSL Cons - - -
So. Far. Away. It's a 45 minute drive on a good day, and OMD the campus is HUGE. Some of my classes will have more students than I graduated from high school with. I know I'll get the hang of it but I feel a little overwhelmed with how big everything is there. Also, when I have a few hours down time between classes, I’m going to be stuck on campus. There will be no driving home to let my dogs out and eat and unwind. And this is pretentious of me, I know, and I’m kind of ashamed to write it…. but while I was at STLCC I met a lot of people that were transferring to UMSL and I would look at them and think to myself… I do not want to be them. They were just caricatures of college students, and I thought them to be exasperating and simple. They weren’t there to learn, they were there to try and have sex and scrape by with the lowest GPA possible to keep from getting expelled. I think that has been my biggest hold up with UMSL when it comes down to it. I don't want to be that person that is going to UMSL, so I’ll have to be that other person that is going to UMSL.

So, now that I've had a few days to chew on my decision, I'm feeling good about it. I'm going to get out of UMSL what it is I put into it, and I have really high expectations for myself. I think I made the right choice in switching from a major in math to a major in science as well. (for those of you that didn’t know) Though I love math, I think I would be sick of it in 5 -10 years, whereas with science thing are always new and changing. Plus, planning math lessons vs planning science lessons....well...there is really no comparison
…oh and the best part about UMSL…they don’t start classes till the 19th! Whee!

Yippie!

2009-12-11T09:18:00.001-08:00

Today, I graduate from STLCC with my Associates of Arts in Teaching. I have a big exit interview that I have to undergo with the head of the educational department, and then I'll be free! Well, at least until January 11th, when I'll be starting Webster. Wheee, I love change! There is something deeply satisfying in shaking things up a bit in life and taking on new challenges.

Between graduating, having our 3rd annual friendmas this weekend(including our new and wonderful friends, the Elbows), the wiener wonderland holiday partay (up to 60 people and many more wieners coming), 24 hours of Christmas music (Brett has been ready to murder me since Oct), a fabulous husband (minus his awful taste in holiday music), and my herd of long dogs, and I'm feeling pretty good about life.

Oh, and for those of you with a long dog owner on your christmas list I just had to share this one thing. Check out this adorable bracelet you can order from Sky Mall.

I refuse to let her win...

2009-11-15T17:53:00.000-08:00

For all of the incredible professors I have had at STLCC, one particular professor is really getting under my skin. Not only do I not mesh with her personally, I find her teaching to be god awful. An example? She harps on us for 10 minutes about using correct grammar on our papers...because we’re college students and should know better and she can’t believe how dumb and lazy and not smart all the college students at STLCC are…..then has stupid mistakes like this in her rubric:

"Points will be deducted error in grammer, usage, capitalization and punctuation."

Grammer? Really? Where the fuck did you get your degree?
Then she sends out this gem to us regarding our online quiz:

"Please make sure to spell and use correct capitilization on this quiz. The computer will mark your answers incorrect if you do not spell the answers correctly and use correct puncutation.

As college students and future teachers, it is important that you submit work that is indicitive of a highly education person."

Why yes, thank you, I will make sure to spell…and while I’m on a f-ing roll, it’s capitalization, punctuation, and indicative you silly woman. I would get it if it was an English course, really I would… and writing like a college student is important, but this is Educational Psychology, and that old saying about not throwing stones while living in glass houses could not be truer in this situation.

Add that to her being constantly 15 + minutes late, accusing me of plagiarizing a lesson plan in front of the entire class and saying that the only reason that she could not prove it was because I must be “net savvy,” being generally unhelpful, unapproachable, and argumentative and I’m ready have some form of a conniption. (Oh, and for the record when I say argumentative what I’m really saying is she cannot stand me in any way, shape, or form and has made that painfully obvious to anyone who’s around.)

Whatever lady, the feeling is mutual at this point.

It is taking every bit of my very small self control to not mark all of her mistakes in red, document every nasty and inappropriate thing she has said to me, and hand a copy of them to her and her supervisor at the end of the semester. Yes, I can be that petty if one drives me to be, and I would take a lot of joy in doing just that right about now. Just sayin'.

Woman trips over long dog, and dies.

2009-11-09T09:34:00.001-08:00

Bitsy Boo, what two brain cells collided this morning that made you think it was a great idea to suddenly stop and turn sideways when I was walking behind you? This gives me about .04871 of a second to divert my walking trajectory or else end up face planted on the floor because, in case you didn't notice, you are the PERFECT FUCKING HEIGHT for tripping over. You're like an absurdly shaped, poorly designed ottoman manufactured just for causing your people to fall flat on their faces.

Not that this just happened or anything.

Psh.

Uh, I'm not dead.

2009-11-02T10:59:00.001-08:00

I'm alive, really I am. Same old song and dance from me....school and life have completely taken over. Speaking of school, I was accepted into Webster U for a duel bachelors degree. Yay for that. In two years I'll have my BA in Mathematics and Secondary Edu. In two years I'll also have more student loans than I want to think about right now...but besides that little part, I'm as excited as can be.

Okay, enough about me. Here are the cute dog pictures you really care about. They're a bit fuzzy since they come from my phone but you get the idea:

Zoe and Trevor, hating life in general

Zoe. Zoe's tongue.

Cousin Maude

Cousin Maggie

Cousin Sophie

And a very pathetic quality picture of Bisty Boo in her Hippo. The blue bloomers that went under the tutu was the best part of it.

I'm really confused as to why it's already November. It seems like this year has just whizzed right on by. It's a bit overwhelming sometimes, but I've been assured that this is just... part of getting older. Whatever, it blows. I was much happier when summer lasted FOREVER and things seemed epic and never ending. All that being said, time better hurry the fuck up so I can watch New Moon. I am stupid excited about this movie. The trailers for it look incredible, and I don't even care that Jacob Black used to be shark boy, he makes me think dirty dirty things about him.

I'll try not to be a stranger, but life does happen. Till next time!

Not so much a lady...

2009-09-14T11:23:00.000-07:00

and you thought she was a perfectly adorable little ball of dough didn't you? See... looks can be deceiving. She's rotten I tell you, simply rotten.

Clean Eating

2009-09-01T12:03:00.001-07:00

I'm not one to diet. Actually, I'm pretty sure I would die if I was ever on an actual "diet." There is a rebellious part of me that would immediately bake and consume a whole chocolate cake if someone attempted to restrict my consumption of food, in anyway....But I am interested in eating better. I've always been mildly obsessed with good, real food and cooking it. (By cooking I really mean eating)

Anyways, my point? I eat too much. I eat amazingly well thought out, unprocessed, real food, but none of that really matters when I eat enough for 5 people.

So I'm going to try to monitor my portions a bit better using a program called Clean Eating. Never heard of it? Here's a bit from their website:

"Clean Eating? It's simple, really. Consuming food in its most natural state - or as close as possible to it - - is the soul of clean eating. It's not a diet; it's a lifestyle approach to food and its preparation, leading to health, well-being and a lean look."

Sounds pretty sweet to me. I'm all about organic food that's good for the environment. I'm always trying to find the best ingredients and that fine line between the healthiest and best tasting food out there...and this seems like a good way to combine those two things together and control my obsessive need to eat.

Am I doing this to lose weight? No. Let me make this clear...I LOVE MY BODY. All of it. I'll love it when I look thin, I'll love it when I'm heavier... that doesn't matter to me. What really matters to me is fueling my body in the best possible way and being a health minded person. I think that's crucial. After all, this is the only body that I have. I can't trade it in.

I'll try not to over-run my blog with a bunch of boring "what I'm eating" crap, but I'll let you know how it's going. More importantly, I'll let you know if I fall off the boat and fully expect a thorough ass kicking from y'all.

<"( );::::::;~

In dachshund news....I think I'm keeping my latest foster. I haven't told this to my husband yet...but I'm pretty sure he agrees with me. Last night we were sitting in bed with the dogs and he started talking about how this foster dog that we have ''must have THE BEST home ever, and how we wont let him go unless the place is just PERFECT...because he's the sweetest, bestest, cutest little boy ever, and by golly just LOOK at him!" I'll just wait for it to be his idea before we really talk about it...thank goodness he doesn't keep up with my blog ; )

Sigh. 5 dogs? Really...?

I also had so share some adorable pictures from a recent fun day we had out at Purina Farms. These pictures were taken by the very talented photographer, Bettina Woolbright. The weather was, glorious. We really deserved a good day of weather seeing as every other event that we had was rainy / freezing out. I lurve earthdog so much, I really really do. I'm excited for fall because some of the members have promised to take me out with them when they do field work.

Earthdog Video

2009-08-14T06:43:00.000-07:00

This video was filmed at the Memorial Bash put on by Missouri Earthdog, a club that I am on the board of. The Bash is held at Purina Farms in Grey Summit, Missouri annually. The video gives a nice overview of what earthdog is, and some of the different events that you can participate in with your dog at an earthdog trial. Though the video primarily focuses on Terriers, Dachshunds are well represented at earthdog events...I swear! Enjoy!

Go to Ground Video

Sandy Wieners!

2009-08-08T16:43:00.001-07:00

Our vacation

in pictures

- - -

Remembering Daisy

2009-07-25T20:26:00.001-07:00

My good friends JoRhon and their furchild Sophia said goodbye to Daisy today. For those of you that didn't know her, know that Daisy was an amazing little creature. Her and Bitsy looked so much a like, and I always joked that they were powdered sugar obsessed sisters...

I can't give Daisy any better of a tribute than her human already has. Feel free to read all of the details about Daisy, including her healthy love of chicken, here.

Daisy, you will be missed, more than you could possibly know.

Thinking thin has paid off!

2009-07-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

Ladies, ladies...there is plenty of Taj to go around.

Wow...two months can really fly by. I'm not sure if you remember, but two months ago we started watching Taj and Raja. Also, two months ago Taj started thinking thin! Today the boys go back home but I had to share with you Taj's results.

Want Cookies. WANT!

You gives me cookies now? K tnx bi.

I is not a HippoTajamus, I has been thinking thin!

There is still a lot of Taj to love, ladies. Don't worry.

Unfortunately, with my mad scramble to get ready for vacation and the brief period of 10 dogs in my house, I did not get a chance to do a final weigh in with him. I'm bumming about that. My guess is that he lost 5lbs or so, and that he's at about 15lbs. Much better than the 20 1/2 lbs he started at. He is also 17 1/2" around his chest, way down from the 19 1/2" he was. He's now 15" around his waist....down from 17 1/2"!

We all joked that Taj was at fat camp.

Taj hated thinking thin in the beginning, but now he's reaping the rewards of being a skinny minny. For one, he can see his penis again...and well...I don't have to go into detail as to why that's a good thing. Also he has a lot more energy. He run run runs after the rest of the pups in my house. He can also lift his leg up high to pee on things, instead of barley getting it off the ground...and the best part? For each pound that he looses YEARS are being added to his life. Having something happen to one of my kid's (and Taj and Raja would be one of my kids) back is my biggest fear in life. Though being at a good weight doesn't guarantee that a back injury wont occur, it sure as heck doesn't hurt.

Now we joke that Taj will need a Taj tuck for all of the extra skin he has. Heh. We crack ourselves up.

Oh man, I'm going to miss waking up to this every morning. :*(

My excuse?

2009-07-20T11:07:00.000-07:00

This is the reason I have not been able to update...in addition to my 4 hounds, I am dog sitting 4 pooches and have 2 fosters. If I don't post in a while, call the police. Every now and again I catch them in a little hurdle, plotting. They are plotty little things, after all. Eventually their collective 10 brain cells will collide and they will come up with an elaborate plan to capture me as their hostage. I have a sneaking suspicion that their master plan is world domination, but I'm sure they'll settle for lots of treats.

The police would come in to find me tied up and with them dancing an angry Indian war dance around me.....

Waterboarding

2009-06-24T19:54:00.000-07:00

So what happens when six naughty dachshunds rub their six naughty braincells together and collectively decide that it would be a GREAT idea to roll in something disgusting? They end up getting a b-a-t-h.

Mom, help us!

We is being tortured. Hurry, what's the number for 911?

While Brett and I were gardening we decided to let the herd-o-doxs "charge up their sunbeams." Charging up sunbeams is a very important part of being a dachshund... sunbeams give lazy dachshunds just enough energy to wake up from their 14 hour nap to make it to bed. Whew. Hard work.

Charging up sunbeams is one of my pack's favorite pass times, and cousin's Taj and Raja seem to enjoy tanning their tummies too. For the longest time, everyone was lying there dead to the world but Neville.

Neville has a little quirk when he charges up his sunbeams. He loves to walk from the sunshine into the shade of the tree and back again. (He's still building up his sunbeam tolerance.) On Neville's 5th trip into the shade I noticed him sniffing something. Whatever Neville was sniffing he liked it enough to want to smell like it so he started rolling with gusto.

Rolling is something that most dachshunds do sometimes...and I didn't think too much of it. (This would be the "ironic" part of the story)

We was framed. Honest.

So anyways, Zoe saw her brother's feet in the air and decided to go investigate. Zoe also thought it would be a great idea to roll in Neville's wonderful find! Two rolling dachshunds promptly caught the attention of the rest of the herd and they all ran over to see what all the fuss was about.

At this point I'm curious to see what they're rolling in. Normally what they find is nothing that I can see or smell, and is no big deal. This time however, they found frog. Dead frog... and oh my dog did it stink.

They were so proud of themselves, till I started running the water. Now I have six wet balls of angry running around my house.

Unamused Taj, is unamused.

Biggest Loser, Dachshund Edition

2009-05-31T18:58:00.000-07:00

Hi Mom! We miss you!

Taj and Raja are staying with me for two months this summer. They're great little long dogs, and total joys to have at our home. Raja is 2, black and tan, and loves to play. Neville and Raja are pretty much BFF. Taj is a four year old red dachshund, and a spitting image of Dyllan in his younger days. Well, as far as personality goes.

You see, this post is mainly about Taj. I have been thinking a lot about Taj since the last time he's come to stay. (I watched them for a month last summer). I love Taj, and there is a lot of Taj to love in return. Taj, well, he's overweight. Dachshunds so easily become obese. They're almost like freaks of nature. They love food, and love attention. If they have a mind to, they can break even the most cold hearted dog hater into giving them a scrap of food.

Taj would never use 'sad dog' routine to get food. Never.

Since Taj needs to lose some junk in the trunk, and I love walking, I've decided to document our progress on here. I have two whole months of walking, portion control, and activities planned out of Mr. Taj. I'm calling it the ''Biggest Loser: Dachshund Addition." Taj, I love you so much, this is why I'm doing this for you. I think your parents will get a kick out of watching your progress on here as well! I'll do weekly weigh ins for Mr. Taj and measure his girth as well. Maybe we can get him into a medium puppia harness by the time his family come back home.

For any of you that would like to join me in getting your chubby dog svelte for the summer, let me know how you're going about it. If you own a dachshund it's extra important to keep them slim because of their fragil backs. When you add the risk of heart failure, diabetes, arthritis to the joints, and a slue of other heath concerns, there is never a better time than now to get your pooch fit and trim. You can add years to their life, and there is no better reward!

Please to have no walks? I didn't sign a contract for this!

Tonight I weighed him in, and here is where we stand:

Weight: 19 lbs
Girth around ribcage: 20 1/2 inches
Food: 1/2 c of California Natural. 1/4 c per meal.
Treats: 1 Zuke's Hip Action treat, per day.
Supplement: I started him on the Zuke's Hip Action treats to help prepare his joints for the upcoming exercise.
Exercise: None, I gave him the weekend off

Day 1

It grew! It really grew!

2009-05-31T18:27:00.000-07:00

As promised (a month ago) here are some pictures from our garden.

Where we dug up the rocks to plant.

A neat shot of water resting on our red cabbage.

Our surprise blueberry! We didn't know that our blueberry bush had flowered. This little guy was hiding there the whole time.

Tomatos that we'll be enjoying later

You can see our blackberries growing!

I cannot tell you how ridiculously excited I have been about my garden. I feel like these little plants are a part of my family. Our zucchini and peppers have started flowering as well. This might just be a success!

All jacked up

2009-05-29T10:47:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, Missouri Earthdogs put on their annual Memorial Day Bash. At the bash you compete in events such as go to ground, barn hunting, and lure coursing. It's pretty much the best thing ever. One of the highlights of the event is the lure course racing. Jack Russell's come from all over to race, and dear lord, those dogs can fly. If you ever get a chance to see an event like this, go!

You can see a video of some different racing events here, so you can get an idea of what the Jacks can do.

For the past three years, Mo Earthdogs has included dachshunds into their events. My short legged little kids could never race like the Jacks, but they still enjoy chasing the lure. This year a local photographer captured some great pictures of the dachshund racing. Now, I particularly want you to pay attention to frame 55 and frame 56.

Bettina Woolbright Photography

Yes, , that is Neville. Neville had never seen hurdles before, and came to a dead stop in the middle of the race. It was the funniest thing I have ever seen. While the Jacks launched themselves over the hurdles like little springy showoffs, Neville had to boost himself over one.leg.at.a.time. We call the dachshund lure course racing the 'comedic relief' of the trial. To make matters worse, Neville's girlfriend Stella beat him in hurdles and flats. Heh.

To make up for our less than spectacular racing results, Zoe took the championship title in Dachshund Go To Ground for the third year in a row. She also championed in dachshund barn hunting, and completed her AWTA Certificate of Gameness. This meant to much to me, especially after almost loosing her this spring. Way to go Zoe. Neville ribboned a few things too, but I didn't write it down and I'm not sure what ribbon went to what event. I would be the worst mother, I swear.

Dyllan and Bitsy were amazing cheerleaders....Bitsy actually lost her voice by Sunday.
(My dream come true...)

Also, Taj and Raja are here! I don't think I've introduced Taj and Raja to you yet. They're two spunky little dachshunds owned by my good friends. They will be spending two months with my herd this summer while their people go to India to visit family. They were just dropped off today and I'm watching Neville, Taj, and Raja chase each other all over the house. I LOVE these dogs...they are quite the little characters. We will be having lots of adventures with them over the next two months. As soon as I remember to buy batteries for my camera I will do a proper introduction.

I'm also working on a project I've been thinking up for Mr. Taj on the blog.....more to come on that later. ; )

Oh, hi there!

2009-05-20T13:43:00.000-07:00

me: I have not forgotten about you. Promise! I have just been busy.

You: No excuse.

me: You're right! But I started gruelling summer courses for school?

You: No excuse.

me: Okay...but I grew a strawberry in my garden! Can I bribe you?

You: Strawberries are delicious...mmm...what will you be making with your strawberries?

me: Strawberry. Only one has grown. But I'll share!

You: One strawberry is not going to be enough.

me: But Bitsy severed her cruciate ligament?

You: No excu....her what?

me: Her Cruciate ligament. Her doggy equivalent of an ACL.

You: The Boo? Really... that poor old girl. What on earth have you been doing with her since you've been missing? Throwing her down stairs?

me: No, no, no, I did not throw Bitsy down the stairs. She jumped in the garden and has been hobbling around since. Not bad hobbling, just kindof limpy, you know. She wasn't really committed to acting like she was really hurt so I kindof didn't believe she had hurt herself too bad.

You: Bitsy was limping and you didn't address it?

me: Well, sometimes she can fake hobbling for attention. I took her to the vet though! Yesterday!

You: When did this happen again?

me: mothers day....ish....

You: That was....10 DAYS AGO!

me: Yes, yes, I know. But she wasn't committed to being hurty. She was just a little hobbly, not even all the time! She fakes sometimes!

You: and the vet said....

me: Well, that she snapped her cruciate..

You: I KNOW THAT BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

me: Heh, oh, well it means that it's not connected anymore.

You: I hate you.

Anyways, so yeah. Bitsy totally severed her cruciate ligament on Mothers Day, and yes, I feel like a total asshole for not doing something about it sooner. She was favoring the leg, but never seemed to be in a ton of pain. I have Rimadyl at home for occasions such as these, and I medicated her, put her on strict R&R and gave her some time to get better. After a week she was no worse, but no better, so I decided to take her in to WGAH to see Dr. Britt.

Dr. Britt put Bitsy on her side, fiddled with her leg, and said, " Her cruciate ligament has been severed. I can't believe she's walking!" Needless to say Bitsy Boo has a very high pain tolerance. One that allows her to walk, hop, and ruff-roo her little heart out when she should be doubled over in agony. She's such an amazing little dog.

We talked extensively about the risks of the corrective surgery vs the benefits of the surgery and have decided to treat the leg holistically. She's 13, an anaesthetic is risky enough on a young healthy buck. (Dr. Britt was shocked that Miss Boo was 13. She would have guessed her to be 9, as peppy as she is.)

Oh, and she has incredible teeth thanks to this amazing gel we've been using daily called PetzLife. I have no stock in this company, but seriously, both Dyllan and Bitsy look like they've had a dental thanks to this stuff. It's so simple to use, you just swab some on their gums with your finger right before bed, and before you know it your dogs teeth will be sparkling white. I swear, I've seen it myself. Also, it's all natural. If you're local you can purchase it at any of the four Treats Unleashed stores in the area. If you're not local, contact them on where to purchase it. Really, it's worth its weight in gold. Buy it.

We lost a bit of sunshine today

2009-04-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

Hi friends,

Every once in a while I have to post about something that isn't fun to write about. Today is one of those days. Today my good friend's, The Elbow's, lost their beautiful little dachshund to a horrible accident. Sally suffered an intestinal blockage earlier this week, and when the vet was running tests, she aspirated a significant amount of barium. Sally's blockage resolved, but unfortunately Sally's lungs weren't able to function properly, and Sally passed away late this morning.

She was the happiest dog I have ever met. Ever. On a scale of 1 to 10 she was easily a 27 and 1/2. She was that dog that everyone loved the second that they saw her spotty little cow butt start wagging.

So this is my tribute, to our gal Sal. It is so little for one so great. Sally, you will be missed. In your short time here you have touched so many, so very deeply. I know the otherside of the rainbow bridge is brighter now that you're there and I'm lucky to have you there to greet my furchildren one day. They will have a friend to show them the ropes and help them find the warmest places in the sun.

And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...

2009-04-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

For the past few days I've been watching The Kate's Stella and Maude. You guys might remember Stella from when I first went to get her from the Humane Society. Yeah so, let me tell you a little story about love, in pictures.

The end.

Honestly, Stella and Neville are in love. It was the most adorable thing that I have ever witnessed. I would crate one, and the other would lie outside of the crate digging at the door and whining for the other. They played for hours, and then I would find them spooning. They groomed each other. They shared toys. I mean, come on. My teeth hurt from watching them it was so sweet.

I took Stella back to Kate just a bit ago, and I came home to a very frantic Neville. He's *bolting* from room to room looking for her. Really. He's diving in and out of crates and he keeps running under the couch (her favorite hiding spot). He's crying. Neville never whines. Not even when we're leaving, but he's whining now.

There is nothing more amazing than love.

Rats, Deathstars, and general flakiness.

2009-04-22T12:12:00.001-07:00

One thing that I hate.... I mean really hate....is showing up to class to find it that it has been canceled. Really, is it THAT HARD to send out an email to your class letting them know that you wont be in? It's a technology class....so my teacher should be all over things like mass mailing lists, right? Instead I drive all the way in to see that class will be canceled, and I suddenly have three hours to spare. See, all of my free time should be spent attempting to finish the rediculous amounts of homework that I need to get done before the end of the semester. I can't even work on homework because, you know, I didn't bring anything that I needed with me because I SHOULD HAVE HAD CLASS.

Bastards.

So now I'm sitting on campus, enjoying the gorgeous weather, and people watching. I think that people watching is great fun, especially considering the eclectic cross section of people that end up at STLCC. Occasionally, instead of just being voyeuristic, I actually hear some pretty useful little factoids.

For instance, I now know that the little blonde sitting next to me is back together with her boyfriend even though he slept with her sister. Her friend is telling her this is an awful idea, but she says it will be okay. It's love afterall, and nothing is better than love. *sigh* I also have learned from the group of meat heads gathered in front of me that snorting Valium while drinking vodka will put you in the hospital. That is where the one with bad acne was, and why he doesn't have any of his homework completed. Also, I know that the lady directly across from me has just grounded her child for hitting her brother with a whiffleballbat....which is just plain awesome.

See what I mean? Where would I be without this information?

In all seriousness though, I haven't updated in awhile and I have so many awesome stories to share. Perfect example, the manchild and I installed our own garden and he won us this nifty little composter at work that looks like a death star. It's rad. I have pictures, but they're at home and I'm not*. Neville decided to try his hand at muskrat racing and failed, beautifully, when he fell off the dock and into the pool on accident. Though I can't begin to tell you how hilarious this was, it was still unfortunate that this was his first experience with water.... and not a good one at all. I was assaulted by a rat at earthdog, this left me bleeding and with wounded pride to go along with it. With the amount of blood that I shed, it's a miracle that I didn't pass out. I give kudo's to The Kate's amazing bandaging skills.... and I'm pregnant.

No, not really. I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. Well, I have nothing else for now. I'll post more pictures later....pinky swear!

**The reason I'm not at home being productive is because my teacher canceled class....in case you missed that memo. Not that I'm bitter or anything, I mean, psh, I wouldn't expect the teacher to send out an email or give us a phone call, no....no I wouldn't. That would be outrageous.

Back in the day....

2009-04-14T19:34:00.000-07:00

That's right. I'm getting to that age when I look at pictures of me and think, whoa, was I really EVER that young? Yes, it turns out that I was, and someone caught it on film.

This was me with my Grandfather, whom I still adore to this day. I never knew this picture existed and he emailed it to me tonight. It's a really adorable picture, I love the way he's looking at me. I probably had just said something bratty right before turning to smile at the camera.

Ahh, memories.

Brit? Like....Brittany?

2009-04-05T19:24:00.000-07:00

Besides Dachshunds and my husband....I'm totally in love with Bret from Flight of the Conchords. He's the skinny guy on the right. Because, of course, I love Flight of the Conchords oh so much I have this strange obsession with making everyone else on the planet love Flight of the Conchords right along with me. Since most of my friends have already watched FotC (and subsequently will be seeing them live at the Fox April 29th OMG) I have very few opportunities to....spread the love. Cue my father-in-laws birthday.

Now I love my father-in-law, honest to god I do, but he can be a tad set in his ways. He wanted car things for his birthday, and I told him that was lame. One, buying someone something that they want means you put little effort into the gift, and two....well okay lets just cut the shit, I'll take any excuse to shove FotC down someones throat. We went out to dinner, and I gave him the first season. While his other two sons dorkily went to a slot car...thing...we went home and watched the first episode, Sally. and. laughed. I was a little aprehensive that he was going to hate it, but guys, he got it! He thought it was funny! I did good!

Now I have an excuse to watch the whole season again because, you know, he might need help interpreting some things. If you haven't watched FotC yet, stop reading this blog. Now. I refuse to have anything more to do with you till you watch the first season. If you have watched the first season...well...this will make a lot more sense to you. Who's the Boom King? (aka my theme song) Bret actually says my name in this song. *swoon*

Donate 4 Dachshunds

2009-03-31T13:55:00.001-07:00

I read this over at another dachshund blog I love to read, Who's Your Dachshund. This is a really great cause so I had to share!

THE IDEA...

Being the owners of smaller canine companions – physically at least – we know first-hand how something so small can have such a big impact on our lives. I’m not even going to bother asking if you could imagine a life without your pups. For that reason, it’s only natural that we as animal lovers come together to accomplish something BIG to change the lives of vulnerable animals around the world.Over the past month, the ten contributors of WYD have connected with nearby animal shelters from Nova Scotia to South Africa; each one filled with incredible people giving abandoned animals the love and attention they deserve. So we figured, why not give each of these shelters a little love and attention of their own?

THE CHALLENGE......

collect as many donations as we possibly can by the end of April to split between these phenomenal shelters. You can donate securely using our ChipIn widget below. We will be over the moon with even the smallest contributions :)If you aren't able to contribute financially, there are plenty of other ways you can help spread the word that will be just as appreciated! You can even click 'Copy' on the donation widget to get the HTML code that you can use to include the widget in your own blog posts

THE DIFFERENCE...
Here are the organizations that we'll be working with over the next month. We'll give you updates and insights into the world of animal rescue and the massive benefit that they have on the lives of millions of animals worldwide. Look forward to video diaries, messages from volunteers, amazing adoption stories and lots of prizes!

Bide Awhile

Tiny Paws Dog Rescue

Midwest Dachshund Rescue

All American Dachshund Rescue

Dachshund Rescue of North America - Maryland Chapter

Dachshund Rescue NW

Central Texas Dachshund Rescue

Second Chance Animal Refuge Society

Kitty and Puppy Haven

FACE Low-cost Spay/Neuter Clinic

It's a bird! It's a plane! It's....

2009-03-30T07:40:00.000-07:00

Neville!

Yes, it's Neville! Racing at the Hermann Wurstest. The Lo-Downs braved the forcasted bad weather and headed out to Hermann. They had talented wieners and wieners dressed up in costumes.

Then they had the races.

Neville took first place in the cocktail wiener division. Afterwards, we went to the winery and had hot crusty bread, wine, and great company with friends and dogs. The weather ended up turning out to be sunny, and I have the sunburn to prove it.

It was a great day.

Attention Dachshund Owners

2009-03-25T13:40:00.000-07:00

Every now and again I have something of actual value to say. This is one of those rare occasions. This information is UBER important if you're an owner of a dachshund. This was put out by my Dachshund Club, the Gateway Lo-Downs. I hope it comes in handy if you ever have to deal with a back issue with your bean.

Back problems, most commonly Canine Intervertebral Disc Disease (IVDD), are pervasive in Dachshunds, occuring in approximately 1 in 4 Dachshunds worldwide. Dodger's List is an invaluable resource for Dachshund owners whose dogs are experiencing disc problems, from mild/moderate bulging and discomfort to total paralysis.

WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW IF YOUR DACHSHUND SUSTAINS A BACK INJURY

TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE. The difference between full recovery and no recovery in many acute back injuries is often the window of time in which the injury has been treated. If your dog has lost bladder or bowel control and/or is dragging his or her hind legs, it is crucial that your dog be seen by an orthopedic specialist as soon as possible, but the sooner the better. Within 12 hours, Deep Pain Sensation (DPS) can begin to diminish - once it is gone, it cannot be recovered.

Surgery is not the only option, although it is often the most effective way to prevent recurring problems. There is a wide array of conservative traditional and complementary holistic treatments that can assist in the healing of mild to moderate IVDD symptoms.

Dogs that are fully paralyzed can still live happy, fulfilling lives. If your dog has sustained a back injury and will not make a full recovery, euthanasia is not the only option. Most importantly, don't blame yourself! Sometimes, even with the most high-tech treatment, dogs do not recover full function of their legs, bowel or bladder. Many companies make carts to help paralyzed dogs achieve mobility, and it's not difficult to learn how to express a dog's bladder or bowels.

If you can't live with a paralyzed dog, consider turning the dog over to a rescue group before considering euthanasia. There are many families who are equipped to care for a special needs Dachshund and would be thrilled to welcome even a paralyzed dog into their homes. Dachshund Rescue of North America is just one of many Dachshund rescue groups that takes paralyzed Dachshunds.

Dodger's List has created a short and informative slideshow for the owners of dogs suffering from IVDD. Please take a moment to go through it even if you have not had any problems with your Dachshund's back - it could mean the difference between mobility and paralysis if your dog experiences an injury! Follow this link to view the slideshow (NOTE: You must click "Next" at the bottom of the screen to view the next slide in the series).

Procreation

2009-03-12T16:21:00.000-07:00

This almost makes me want to procreate. Almost.

Wiener Dog Mary Janes

Wiener Dog Onesie

Then I remember the vomiting, and the crying, and the random snot...and I take some more birth control.

And on the 7th day...

2009-03-09T07:48:00.000-07:00

God created Stella.

So, hi. Did I mention somewhere in this blog that I love dachshunds? I think I might have. If not, here is clear proof that I am slightly (just slightly) insane, and this picture is the reason why.

I met a lady that was tossing around the idea of adopting a second dog. She wanted a female, and I went on Petfinder.com in search of a great match for her. Cue Mary Todd. (she's on the right).

Mary Todd was in Quincy, IL at the Humane Society. She's a one year old beauty and the moment I saw her I couldn't quit thinking about her. The lady that I was hoping would adopt Mary Todd ended up deciding that now was not the time. I was too involved with this dog and could not leave her in the shelter, so Saturday morning I drove the 2 hour drive up to Quincy to get her.

So Mary Todd came home with me, and guys, she's a doll. She's all kisses and wiggles. She's housebroken. She loves everything she meets...and she likes to sleep under the covers. The Kate met miss Mary Todd and well, it was love at first puppy kiss. The Kate talked to Joe, and now Mary Todd will be going to live with them. Her name will now be Stella and I don't think that she understands that she hit the dachshund jackpot of homes. I'm sure she might figure it out the moment that The Kate takes Stella to Treats Unleashed with her. It's the dog bakery that she manages. Anyways, here are more pictures of this beautiful girl. Welcome home Stella.

I just had to add that Neville loves Stella. I mean, really. He grooms her, bites her ears, and lets her take his toys. Puppy love. Sigh.

First day of school...

2009-03-02T12:31:00.000-08:00

Today, Neville and his father start agility class with a really great agility instructor. I really think this will be good for them both. Neville loves me, a lot, but not the same way that he loves his dad. Brett walks on water to Neville. Everything Brett does, Neville turns into some goofy game, which normally ends with both of them rolling around on the ground like lunatics.... They're quite a pair. I think Neville will have a lot more fun at agility with Brett, since Brett equals good times to Neville. I hope Neville is on his best behavior, doesn't pee on the instructor or any of the equipment, and learns a lot. I think he has the drive to be a pretty good agility dog! (no pressure)

Besides that bit of news life has been pretty much the same, with one exception. I'm sneezing like a mad woman. I'm talking 20+ times a day. That can NOT be normal. I tried to find a reason that I'm sneezing so much, but I can't figure out a common denominator. I have no other symptoms other than, obsessive sneezing. Despite what Brett says, I don't think it's allergies. I would have some other symptoms, right? It was kind of funny the first week or so, now it's bordering on obnoxious....expecially since I'm waking up to sneeze. Any theories?

Oh, and I just have to say hi to my fan club in The Wildhood! Turns out I have quite a following over there.... *waves*

Mmmm Beef

2009-02-24T06:38:00.001-08:00

So, I woke up around 7:00 am this morning. This would have been okay if I had a purpose for waking up this early... but I didn't. That had me looking for something unproductive to do this morning, you know, because if I started cleaning house when I woke up at 7 I would be hopelessly LAME.

So I thought I would make the dogs, and myself some breakfast. For me I made home aid buttermilk biscuits with butter and blueberry jam. Delish! For them...well. I wasn't sure. I started digging through my fridge and found these gems:

Raw ground beef

Organic blueberries

Organic spinach

Eggs

Garlic

Organic Olive Oil

I assembled them a feast. They were so excited when I was making this that they wanted me to share with you guys. Probably to rub it in your faces. Who knows the mind of these dachshunds.

I gave them all a big scoop of raw beef, a blob of spinach, threw in some blueberries, cracked a raw egg over the top (Bitsy, Dyllan, and Zoe all shared one egg. Neville got his own), crunched up the eggshell for them, added a splash of olive oil and a pinch of the garlic.

Dyllan devoured his. So did Neville and Zoe. Bitsy, normally the fastest eater in my herd had a different strategy.

Bitsy no like green shit in food. WTF mom. Ack.

As an added bonus, Rhonda included me in the interview game. She picked these questions for me and now I get to answer them. This is a perfect way to waste away my morning. (See not wanting to be productive for fear of looking lame, above).

1. Why dachshunds? Oh, I love me some sausage dogs. Why? They have such distinct, angry little personalities. You can't forget all of the sexual innuendos you can do... that's the real reason.

2. Where would you go on your dream vacation? Who would you take with you? India. I want to go there SO BAD. Bad enough, that I would go by myself...but if I had to take someone I would probably take Brett. I could take my good friend Ann Simon too, since she knows the area...hmmm

3. What's your favorite meal to cook? Who would you most like to cook it for? I go through phases of cooking. This means I cook one staple dish 241 times before I can switch onto the next staple dish. Right now this dish is baked chicken breast, covered in breadcrumbs and Parmesan cheese, then smothered with tomatoes, onions, and mushrooms.

I love to entertain, so I'll cook for anyone that will sit down long enough... but if it was someone worth mentioning (not that my friends aren't worth mentioning!) it would be:

Swoon.

4. Would you ever skydive? Why or why not? Ha, oh...this is a hard one. See, I'm not scared of heights, but I'm REALLY freaked out by planes. Like, really. I have frequent nightmares about planes crashing...both with me in them and them on me. Strange, I know. It's so irrational but I'm freaked out all the same. I would cliff dive though, does that count? So long as planes weren't around, that is.

5. What's your favorite blog and why? Miss Doxie is my favorite blog...but she fell of the face of the earth. When she's alive she tells some wickedly funny stories about her evil totalitarian dachshunds. Plus she made my wedding invites and that means kudos to her. After that, I'm pretty obsessed with Post Secret, because evidently I'm secretly voyeuristic. Hey, maybe I should send that in? I round those off with Stuff White People like, Captain Laura, and Jordan and Rhonda. Blam!

Really though, I have about 100 blogs listed on my google reader. How can I choose?

If you want your own hand picked questions to answer on your blog, comment me and I'll give them to you. Beware though, I'm making them up!

Boomer Likes!

2009-02-23T15:32:00.000-08:00

So I've seen this game a lot of other places, and I couldn't resist joining in. I honestly didn't think I would get too much since, you know, my name is BOOMER. I was wrong. Turns out the Google loves me.

Rules:
a. Go to the Google.
b. Type your name and the words “likes to” all in quotation marks. ("Boomer likes to")
c. Report back on the first ten things that come up for your name.

Here are my ten items, verbatim:

1. Boomer likes to help "grandfither" play the piano. (Whoa, how did they know?)

2. Boomer likes to see the first light of dawn. (Well, actually, no. I don't do early. Dawn would fall under early.)

3. Boomer likes to stop and smell the flowers. (I like flowers!)

4. Boomer likes to dress up. (Yes, I'll be Barbie.)

5. Boomer likes to smell catnip. (I have nothing witty to add here due to the fact I'm dying of laughter)

6. Boomer likes to mark pine trees. (Don't we all like to mark our territory? I can't be the only one)

7. Boomer likes to play with grapes too. (Grapes are a hoot!)

8. Boomer likes to go back to bed after breakfast. (So true! See above comment concerning 'mornings)

9. Boomer likes to run and play with his favourite toy. (Didn't you know that I'm really British, and a man?)

and the best one yet....

10. Boomer likes to sniff Cookie's bum.

That was awesome. Now on to business.

Tonight an interview will air on Living St. Louis on my favorite TV station, PBS. This interview will have me, DH, the weens, my best friends K8 and Laura, and my dog club in it. You should watch! It will be on at 7:00 pm, and you'll be able to view it again and again on the internet.

Now I have had a lot of people wanting to know about the Zoball. Zoe is doing AMAZING. She's going to be fine guys. Really! I'll tell you this as many times as you want to hear it, because, it's the best news ever. Totally 100% fine! Zoe and I are going to start agility and earthdog in March... and she's eating (and pooping) like nothing ever happened. The most amazing part of this whole ordeal, besides her miraculous recovery, was the support that I found in my friends, family, and dog club. Due to the amazing efforts of Laura we have raised the full amount of Zoe's surgery. Every last cent. For those of you that donated through paypal, expect an email from me this week to request your mailing address. I have some thank you notes that I want to send out.

Okay, that's all I got. I'm off to sniff more of Cookies bum!

There he goes again, showing off his wiener!

2009-02-12T17:01:00.000-08:00

I've kept this on the DL in case it didn't go through...but it looks like we're still on. PBS is coming to my house Friday to interview Brett, myself, and the weens. They're doing a piece on the Barkus Pet Parade this weekend and wanted a rescue dog that is participating in the derby. They contacted Kate, who sent them our way, and the rest is history. They'll be documenting Neville as he 'prepares' and runs the races. Wish him luck! I'll post the link to the interview when / if it becomes available.

I really shouldn't be on here seeing as PBS will be at my house in less than 12 hours and it currently could be mistaken for a college dorm. I wish I was rich enough to afford a maid.

Publicity aside, Zoe had her stitches removed on Tuesday. Her incision looks amazing. We gave everyone a good long bath and nail trim that night in preparation for their interview. Zoe couldn't bath since she had the stitches in and she was starting to look a little frazzled. We even painted Bitsy's nails. That was surprisingly uneventful.

Besides this bit of news, Life is good! I'll try to take pictures of the Pet Parade to share. To be honest it's going to depend on the weather. The Lo-Downs normally get some press coverage during the parade. There is nothing quite like seeing 30+ wieners walking in a parade!

And before quit procrastinating and start dusting... check out this wallpaper! It looks like the problem of how to decorate our basement after finishing it has been answered. Added bonus? It comes straight from the motherland, Germany.

On the 7th day

2009-02-06T08:47:00.000-08:00

I thought this announcement needed a whole new post!

We made it to the 7th day.
Zoe is going to make it.

Let me repeat that again, since it sounds so so good.

We made it to the 7th day.
Zoe is going to make it.

A good Zoe story for today: Brett and I put up a bird feeder last Thursday. The day before we took Zoe into the hospital. In case I haven't told you, Zoe has a CRAZY prey drive. I thought the bird feeder and Zoe could live in harmony. Well, she just figured it out today that there is a bird feeder in her yard letting in the enemies. She was walking in the front yard looking for a place to potty, and she stopped dead in her tracks under the bird feeder. She looked at me, then looked straight up into the air at the bird feeder. She then did the 'groundhog' and looked straight up at the bird feeder. I called and called her to come in but she wouldn't. She just sat there, looking like a groundhog, and stared up at the bird feeder.

A good citizen turned in my Ipod. It's a beautiful day for winter in St. Louis. Nothing can burst our bubble for today.

Good Karma

2009-02-05T07:12:00.000-08:00

So, I think I lost my Ipod at school. Specifically the Gym.I called the Fitness Center and left a message. I called campus police (that's where lost and found is, I thought it sounded drastic when they told me to call) and they said the Fitness Center reported finding an Ipod.

I was under the impression that no one would be THAT good of a person. Especially some Meramec College student. No offense, but I expected it was gone. Someone found it and was now jammin' to my playlist. I'll be thrilled if this is it. Maybe they didn't like my music selection.

If you found an Ipod, would you turn it in? Would you admit that you wouldn't? I would turn it in... I'm all about the good karma. So I guess that's a purely selfish way of being a good citizen. I'm sure my friends and family would too. Looking at the general populous of that campus, I really think that a turned in Ipod is cause for celebration.

One day closer

2009-02-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

*Update* 2.5.09
So we're one day away from 7 days. Dare I breath easy? I *think* we might be on the mend. She pooped this morning, and it looked like dog poop should. She's eating well, attempting to jump on the couch, taking toys from her sister, getting pissed about being confined in the make shift pen that Brett and I set up for her.... all the things I would expect from the Zo-Ball. Dr. Britt should be ecstatic. I really had the feeling that she didn't think this was going to end well. It looks like it is.

I talked to Dr. Britt about life after surgery with Zoe, now that we're both optimistic that she's going to have one. Would she be banned from Earthdog, her only love in life... Could we continue to pursue agility, she loves her instructor Jennifer... Will she have dietary restrictions....

Dr. Britt said she can still do whatever sports she wants, once she's healed. I'm going to have to get specifics on a time line of when we can start working again. She also said that food will be no issue once she's healed. We can go back to rotating different things in every day. Zoe might have a different take on that, she's already decided that she now hates green beans. I know I'm harping on that....but the girl would eat ANYTHING before the surgery. I think it's funny, and of course I'll give her whatever she wants now. Or at least till her tummy hair grows back. I have a feeling she'll be using her naked chicken to her advantage from now on...

*Update* 2.3.09 - Post Vet

Dr. Britt x-rayed the mass and thinks that we're okay. She (and 3 other Dr's) poked at it long enough till they were all satisfied that it was nothing. We can still feel the stitches from the hernia, so she thinks it's a bit of tissue that she didn't remove due to time restrictions on the surgery, but probably should have. She didn't want to keep Zoe under any longer then she already was.

A total side note, and surprise, The Daily Dachshund and Dog News picked up Zoe's story. Whomever sent them the link, thank you. Zoe really is famous now, and trust me, it's going right to her fuzzy little head. She loves the idea of a fan club....a little too much if you ask me.

*Update* 2.3.09

It is unbelievable the people my dogs have allowed me to meet.

You guys are some of the best that I know.

We thank you from the bottom of our heart for all of the comments, emails, phone calls, cards, and donations.

Little Zoe is a trooper. We're hitting a lot of really good milestones with her recovery, but I'm anxiously aware that things could go downhill at any moment. We wont be out of the danger zone till we have hit 7 days post surgery. The hours are creeping by to that critical day.

That aside, she's eating well and in really good spirits. She pooped Sunday night and Monday morning. She's refusing green beans still, and peeing on her sister. (Zoe lifts her leg....brat)

I have a vet appointment tonight with Dr. Brit. She has a mass in her lower abdomen that I'm not comfortable with until a vet actually sees it. I called them last night about it and we think that it's scar tissue....but I'm still worried about it.

I'll let you know the outcome. I don't anticipate it being anything, but I rather be safe than sorry.

_____________________________________

Zoe is home. We're trying to keep her as comfortable as possible. She is eating (boiled chicken, brown rice, and green beans), going potty, and pooing. She slept through the night last night (though I didn't). I woke up every 2 seconds to peek into her crate to make sure she was okay. She seems to be in good spirits. She glared at me when I offered her green beans. Evidently after 17 stitches and almost dying, vegetables are out of the question.

I stayed home with her today and cuddled with her the whole time. She has been laying on her back on my stomach, chin on my chin, demanding belly rubs. She looks at me with goo goo eyes then turns to glare at Brett. She has decided that this is all his fault.

When Brett woke up for work this morning he took her outside and deposited her in bed with me. We cuddled all morning and when I started to wake up she threw her famous brat attack. She lays on her back and throws her front legs around like crazy. She looks like a little cheerleader. I teared up seeing her do that.

I took pictures for you, notice her pretty purple bandage. Under the bandage her little foot is shaved as well. Insult to injury in her eyes.

I can't pull Dyllan away from his sisters' side. I can't decide if it's purly for his concern of his sister, or if it's because of his own selfish love of the spaceheater. You decide:

Even though she's home and in good spirits, we still have to watch her like a hawk. So many things can still go wrong. Again, I thank you for all your well wishes. We really appreciate it.

My Worst Nightmare

2009-02-01T10:07:00.000-08:00

Laura sums it up in her blog, but I thought I should do an update as well.

_________________________________

This past Wednesday night Zoe refused dinner. Not the end of the world, so I didn’t think too much of it. Thursday A.M., Zoe started vomiting. A lot. I followed normal dog procedure for these things and fasted her the rest of the day. She was still drinking so I wasn’t too alarmed… dogs sometimes get sick. I felt her tummy to see if I could feel any obstructions and everything felt okay. Friday morning I offered her food and she turned it down. She was still vomiting but not pooping. I talked to Kate and Brett and decided to make a vet appointment just to check things out. Precautionary. No big deal.

Dr. Kee gave her a once over and when she checked her tummy Zoetried to bite her. This worried me. Dr. Kee asked me how long this ‘mass’ had been on her abdomen. My heart stopped. I felt the mass and knew we were in serious trouble. It was about 4 inches long, hard, and lumpy. It was not there the day before. Dr. Kee threw out words like small intestine obstruction, colon obstruction, and aggressive cancer. The Dr. took my Zoe back to be X-Rayed and I did what I always have done when I’m about to panic. I called Brett, Kate, and Laura.

They called in the surgeon on duty for the night at Webster Groves Animal Hospital. It was Dr. Britt, Kate’s vet. A good sign. Dr. Britt told us what was to be expected. They thought that Zoe had a hernia. Dogs have two pockets close to their inner thighs. Males use them when their testicals drop; females use them to help expand when they’re having puppies. Dr. Britt suspected that the pockets had opened up and trapped a bit of something in the pocked and then contracted around it. If we were lucky they could repair the hernia, re attach whatever had fallen into the hernia, and life would be great. It could even be a mass of fat that had fallen into this pocket… that would be awesome.

It was her small intestine. We weren’t lucky. The hernia had strangled the intestine enough that a large portion of it had to be removed. Suddenly my dog was fighting for her life. Dr. Britt is an amazing vet. She tells it like it is, which I need. She called me after the 2 hour + surgery and explained to me that she was touch and go. She does this surgery all the time, the same way, and it frustrates her. There is no way to tell what the outcome could be, since there are so many things that could go wrong. Infection, the new intestine could leak, the intestine could fall again, clotting. She told me to be prepared for the worst. She explained how immensely risky this surgery was. She told me Zoe was struggling to wake up from the anesthesia. Her heart rate was low….weak. I lost it.

Since then we’ve had good news, as these things go. Dr. Britt calls to tell me that Zoe is passing milestones. She’s perking up. She held down water. Still be prepared, things could go downhill quick... We went to visit her Saturday afternoon. She looked better than when I took her in to the vet. She was perky and animated. This helped easy my heart. I pictured her lethargic and well, dying. If she was going to go, I realized that it would be peaceful and she wasn’t in pain. She cried for us when we left, we cried when we hit the waiting room. I didn’t want to be upset around her. I didn’t want her to worry any more. The vet techs adore her. They say they love her ears.

Saturday night was another big test. Food. Her first meal since Wednesday morning. If she could hold it down we would be looking better. Another milestone passed, a step closer to recovery, even though recovery is a long way away. They called me after her first meal to tell me all was good. She held it down! They would feed her again in a few hours. Rinse, wash, repeat.

I called this morning (Sunday) for an update. They said there was commotion in the back and they would have to get back to me. Minds do what they love to do when you’re worried… they bring dark pictures to you. Is it Zoe that is upsetting them? Did something happen and they’re not ready to tell me? I hope, guiltily, that it’s another dog. That Zoe is still in her little crate with a pink bandage around her leg to hold in the IV. I joked with the vet tech that they knew Zoe well if they were using pink on her. She said a dog like that could do no other color.

So Sunday is here…and we wait. Dr. Britt reminds me that we aren’t out of the red zone till we hit 7 days. 7 days and her chance of survival will shoot up drastically. I don’t even want to write the percentage they gave me for her survival Friday night. I’m not quite ready to face that number yet. Not till I have her home again. It’s looking like she’ll be able to come home tonight. I hope so, I want her home.

I’m not sure I could have handled this if it wasn’t for my dog friends, the people I have met because of Zoe and the rest of my herd. My dogs are the reason I have met you. They’re the reason I have Kate and Laura in my life, the reason why I spend all of my free time with the Lo-Downs or out at Purina Farms, or at agility. They’re the reason I met my animal rescue friends and have built up relationships all over the USA. My dogs gave me this. It’s unbelievable how completely a dog can change your life. It’s unthinkable when you might lose them. I always joked that my dogs were living forever. That the circle of life doesn’t apply to us, our circle is linear…

So that’s where we are now. I’ll be getting the internet on Tuesday so I’ll be better able to update you as I’m updated. Laura has set up a paypal account on Zoe’s behalf. That’s another thing that I do not want to face, my vet bill. We’re trying to figure out the best way to contain Zoe when she gets to come home…so she’s not annoyed by the other dogs but still able to be in the mix. We have to think about her new life, how things are going to be. What I’m going to feed her, is she going to be able to go to the bathroom on her own?

We have to keep thinking positive. We’re on day 2. We’re a day closer to day 7. If you could think good thoughts, say a little prayer, light a candle, whatever you do we would all appreciate it. Every little bit counts, and we can’t thank you enough.

Whoa...

2009-01-26T16:56:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so school started. My classes seem like they will be interesting, but really time consuming. So far, each of my three teaching classes will require a certain amount of out of school job shadowing. About 35 hours per semester, per class. That’s on top of the normal assignments / reading / testing / things that school entails. Whining aside, I’m pretty stoked about the prospect of hands on training. I love variety in my schedule, so these assignments will break up the monotony of the week…along with giving me some much needed people time. One of my biggest beefs of being unemployed is being alone. All. The. Time. Add alone all the time to the fact that I don’t have a TV and you start to get a Boomer that has began talk to herself in 1st person. Boomer doesn’t think that is healthy. Boomer needs more things to do in her day. Dogs don’t understand Boomer…. Dogs think Boomer needs healthier hobbies.

That aside, one more thing has happened to sabotage my great idea to start a blog….and well….all of my extracurricular online activities. My DH (dear husband…or damn husband depending on the mood) and I have been living in our home a little over a year now. This whole time I’ve had access to Wireless Internet. Free. I’ll avoid going into the specifics of how I was getting free internet, but it looks like the neighbors have finally caught on and locked me out of all of their unsecure networks. A fact that is kind of irksome, I mean, Boomer has been accessing free internet from you for a year….Boomer doesn’t understand why illegal internet access is now an issue. Boomer angry.

I’m not really angry at the neighbors; I’m just angry I have to go into a technology focused store and try to talk to a person about getting wireless internet. This chore is not on my top 10 list of things I want to be doing. This is because of a couple of reasons, but the primary ones seem to be that: Every time I have went into the Cingular I feel like I’m fighting with the staff to get the questions that I want answered. All in all I have had very poor customer experience there. It’s not worth the effort to change my cell phone provider since I only go in there about 1 time every 2 years...but all in all it still makes me procrastinate against going in to set up my WiFi. I much rather bitch about it to you and post my blogs using the schools internet during class. Boomer like to bitch, and procrastinate.

Lets get Smart

2009-01-21T06:11:00.000-08:00

Today is the first full day of our new Presidents term. Today is also the first day of classes and 'full time student' status for me. I'm a bit nervous, but really just excited. I love having a purpose. A clearly defined goal that I can work towards. It's a really great feeling.

I couldn't sleep last night so I stayed up most of the night watching Mr & Mrs Obama dancing, and all the commentary. They're such an adorable couple, everything else aside.

Wiener Roast

2009-01-18T09:09:00.000-08:00

Cold.

Bitter Cold.

That is what it has been in good ole Missouri for the past week or so. I'm sure it's colder elsewhere, but damn. When the temperature drops to this cold, the dogs quit going outside. That doesn't mean that I don't try to get them to go outside, it just means that they quit going to the door willingly. All of them.

Since the cold started, my days have been going something like this:

5:30 am : Brett gets out of bed to go to work. Dachshunds that might have been on Brett's side of bed quickly suction themselves to me for warmth. We shiver till Brett turns back on the heat (we turn it off at night)

8:00 am: I start waking up. The only good thing about being unemployed is that I don't usually need to wake up with an alarm clock. The dachshunds? They'll remain under the covers, thank you very much. They're not coming out for anything.

8:30 am: By this point I have showered and made myself decent for the world. I go back into the bedroom to check on status of dachshunds. They're still under the covers. I call them, and realize that if they had fingers, they would be pointing the middle on at me. Even the puppy. Traitor.

8:45 am: I call them again. Dogs wake up just long enough to wish, yet again, they had a middle finger. They then go back to sleep. Dyllan starts snoring to add insult to injury.

9:00 am: I have now been awake for an hour. I know they have to pee. They insist they don't. In a pure act of desperation I pull the covers off them. I'm met with blinking, disorientated, and angry dachshunds. They are all piled on top of each other in the center of the bed to maintain warmth. They call this strategy.

9:02 am: They see me reach for them and they scatter like bowling pins. They know what comes after 'getting out of bed.' They're having none of it.

9:10 am: I've collected all the dogs long enough to dress them in their fleece Teckelklub sweaters. Now comes the real dilemma:

If I put dogs on the ground they will scatter and hide. They're good at hiding. I have found Zoe in the pantry once or twice. I only have two arms. Two arms will not hold 4 dachshunds. It's a fact of nature. If I take two dogs out and leave two on the bed, unsupervised, the two on the bed will plot when I'm away. Plotting usually entails one of three things. One, peeing when she's not looking. Two, pooping when she's not looking. Three, hiding.

9:13 am: I decide to attempt to herd them all to the door. At the same time.

9:14 am: All dachshunds are out of bed. They stretch, shake, shiver, and bark appropriately. I say 'Lets go potty,' and all hell breaks loose. Dyllan dives under the bed. Zoe and Bitsy make a run for it down the hallway. Neville is not quite quick enough to avoid being scooped up.

9:25 am: After much yelling, asking politely, threatening, and crying I've managed to get Dyllan out from under the bed. All dogs are now out of the bedroom. I close the door to make sure they can't re infiltrate it. Bitsy gives herself away by sneezing in the bathroom. I shoo her out and close the door. 3 dachshunds found, one to go.

9:32 am: Zoe is not in either spare bedroom. I've made a sweep of all her favorite hiding spots. I close the doors to limit her escape route.

9:45 am: I finally notice part of a fluffy tail sticking out from under the pillows on the couch. Zoe has wedged herself under them and is feigning temporary deafness. All of the dogs have sudden bouts of temporary hearing loss. The vet does not know what to make of this.

9:47 am: I have all dachshunds cornered in the entryway, door open, waiting for them to go outside. They're standing there looking at me like I suddenly sprouted another head. They obviously think that I'm not very bright. They're not going outside.

9:52 am: After much threatening (No FOOD...I Mean IT!), all dachshunds have run outside. Onto the door stoop. No further. I tell them to go potty. They stand, glare at me, and shiver. I consider, briefly, giving them away. I notice neighbors that are checking their mail giving me strange looks. 'Good puppys' I say....'Go Potty' I say....*or I'll skin you* I mumble. While smiling.

9:53 am: Shiver, shiver, shiver.

9:55 am: I open the screen door to go out onto the stoop to chase them into the grass. They run around me, back into the house....straight into their bed in front of the space heater. Laughing.

10:00 am: I give them their victory and start on my housework. I then find 2 random pees and 1 poop on my floor. I imagine dogs laughing again, and start to understand why people drink.

Would someone like to tell me why I decided to get dachshunds? Anyone? Why couldn't I have fell in love with Goldens? Silly, not that bright, will do anything for a cookie, Goldens?

Your wiener pulled that?

2009-01-17T10:58:00.000-08:00

So this morning I went to watch my nephew Rufus, the Dachsador, try his hand at Weight Pulling.

When dogs compete in weight pull, they strap them into a harness and the owner then encourages the dogs to pull a cart over the finish line. After each successful pull they add more weight in (I think) 28lb increments. Don't quote me on the amount, I wasn't paying too much attention to the specifics of the rules. I spent the majority of my time watching these amazing dogs pull pull pull for all they were worth. I was impressed.

It was amazing to watch. Honestly it was. There is nothing I love more than seeing a dog have a job, or doing what they were bred to do. Rufus was not bred to pull weights... but he did an amazing job nonetheless. He took second in his weight class which is great for his first time. He'll compete again tomorrow and I'm sure he'll own the pit bull that beat him today. heh. Not that we're competitive or anything.

That aside, one other noteworthy thing happened. There was a Basenji there named....wait for it.....Batman! Perfect name for a dog with those ears, no? Batman weighed in at no more than 25lbs. Batman pulled 515lbs. It was incredible. Go Batman!

Now, after watching this I'm starting to have ideas. Ideas my dogs would love to lynch me for if they could read my mind. How hilarious would it be for my 10 lb dachshund to be strapped in a harness and pulling a red rider wagon full of weights? Maybe we could strap 3 or 4 dachshunds together...and have a dachshund sled team? Oh, the ideas (and humiliation for them) are endless....

Zoe no pull weights. Zoe hate weights.

Zoe hope you choke.

I could only imagine the amount of spite poo I would have to clean up after attempting to strap my hounds to a wagon. It could be worth it. Just for ammunition I could collect in pictures.

Do you really want to know me?

2009-01-15T07:56:00.000-08:00

Well, hello.

I'm Boomer!

Nice to meet you.

I'm new to the world of blogging so I figured you're in need of an introduction of sorts. I'm 23, married, and a full time student for the first time of my life starting this semester. I'm still reeling from that decision. I'm owned by four amazing little monsters that take up the majority of my time. I'm not too sure you really WANT to know them, but I assume I'll have to introduce you at some point. I'll make it simple and start where they started.

Pooor Dyllan
Oh, Dyllan. He's 8 years old and the first love of my life. Anyone that meets Dyllan is amazed by him, because, well....he's the laziest dog on the face of the earth.

Honestly. He's not motivated by anything, he's put out by everything, and his favorite pass time is sleep. Even eating is a chore for this Queen.

That aside, he's the best snuggler on the face of the earth, and my mother-in-laws biggest fan. The one exception to Dyllans indifference seems to be Tina. That has nothing to do with the copious amounts of food she bribes him with....I'm sure.

Her name is Poshy Princess Doughy

But you may call her Zoe. (Or ZoBall if she's not looking). Zoe is the connoisseur of hording things in her crate, thrower of hissy fits, earthdog natural, Russian assassin, and a part time model. She is well aware you would kill for her highlights.
That aside, she's a smart little thing. She's the 'plotter' of my pack, and though I can never quite catch her in the act...I am on to her. Hopefully this spring we'll be starting Agility. That is, if she doesn't kill me in my sleep before then...hmm.

Miss Bitsy Boo
Oh Bitsy. She's 12, but don't let that fool you. This little gal will run circles around you, your dogs, and sometimes your sanity.

She's the happiest (and loudest) dachshund. Honestly she is. Her favorite things are making muffins on her toys, being chased by Zoe and Neville while holding the blue ball, and Ruff Rooing for all its worth.

She's always happy to see you, to live life, and to meet new friends. Brett and I are amazed everyday by this old soul.

And here's the Pup-Pup
Neville. Our newest addition and our first puppy since Dyllan. He gets his dashing name from the Harry Potter series, in case you're interested. When we first adopted him he went a week without a name. I'm glad it didn't scar him too bad.

Neville is a baby, and is still learning about life. He's only 8 months, and I have a feeling he's been framed, unknowingly, by Zoe on more than one occasion. He's a happy, playful boy and has really put some perk in my little herd. He's learning all kinds of bad habits from his elder brother and sisters. It's a riot to watch. Also, his perpetually adorable head-cocking has saved his little life on many occasions.

These little fiends will take up the majority of my blogging dedication. After all, Brett and I aren't that interesting unless we're preventing them from world domination, trying to force them outside in the rain, or cleaning up dog poo at socially inappropriate times. Besides that, I'm sure there will be snippets of school drama, family woes, amazing friends, and married life in general. I'll try to keep it as up to date as possible. (famous last words?)